Talk:Wim Umboh/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 19:44, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 19:44, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:
 * Be consistent on whether sentences starting with "In (year)" have a comma after the year. They should, and I see a few that don't, and phrases like "By August 1980 Umboh" need a comma after the year too.
 * I've removed the commas, as they shouldn't be used in British English.


 * Going off of that, there are a few more sentences that start like that than I would like. It's unavoidable, but it can be limited.
 * I've trimmed the number


 * "Umboh's 1972 film Mama was the first shot in 70 mm film and stereo sound." first film anywhere or just in Indonesia?
 * Added "local production"


 * "when Teguh Karya's Ibunda (Mother) took away 9 Citras" nine
 * Done.


 * "divorcée 17 years his younger," 17 years his junior sounds a bit better, and is the term used more often for this situation. Same for "descent 28 years his younger."
 * Done and done


 * There are a few instances where there are a slew of sentences that can be combined, usually with one of the two being quite short; an example is "That same year, he married R.O. Unarsih; the couple had a daughter, Maria Umboh, the following year.[5] In 1957 they divorced.[6]" which can easily be one full statement. The prose as a whole is decent, but it can certainly be fine tuned.
 * I've given it a once over. How's this?

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 20:56, 22 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:20, 22 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Looks good. I see no further issues, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 02:46, 23 June 2012 (UTC)