Talk:Wu Hen/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 10:51, 23 January 2021 (UTC)

Since you have two album nominees pending, it is only fair for me to take this on! --K. Peake 10:51, 23 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for giving it a look 😁 웃 O  O  14:36, 23 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the initial response; you have missed a few points, which I have addressed below as well as providing further comments! --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Target R&B to Contemporary R&B
 * ❌ --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * Change electronic dance to EDM in the infobox because the source calls the album "electronic dance music", which is another way of saying the genre EDM
 * ❌ I meant list the genre as EDM


 * Remove wikilink on studio album
 * "The album is believed to define" → "It is considered to define" since he himself said it
 * Jazz should not start with capitalisation
 * Change electronic dance to EDM per earlier comment
 * ❌ --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * The last sentence of the first paragraph is fine, but you should write about the shifts and traditional jazz info in the comp section since it is only mentioned in reception currently
 * I changed it to include the other genres mentioned instead. 웃 O O  22:43, 23 January 2021 (UTC)
 * That actually looks a lot better, great job! --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "was announced with" → "was announced simultaneously with"
 * ❌ --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "The former track" → "The second of the three tracks"
 * ❌ this is to specify which "former" track is being referred to --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "received generally favorable reviews" → "received generally favourable reviews" because this is an English article
 * ❌ the article is in British English, remember --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * Target music critics to Music journalism
 * "drift from the Black Focus (2016) sounds that" → "drift from the sounds of its predecessor, Black Focus (2016), that"
 * "said that the album shifted its ideas too urgently." → said the album's ideas shifted too urgently." to be less wordy
 * "number 2 in the Jazz & Blues Albums chart" → "number 2 on the Jazz & Blues Albums Chart"
 * "in the Independent Albums chart." → "on the Independent Albums Chart." with the target
 * you missed the target --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Done. 웃 O O  22:43, 23 January 2021 (UTC)

Background

 * Retitle to Background and recording
 * Add at the end of the quote it was Williams talking about the album
 * The first and second para should be swapped to order this section correctly
 * "wrote that the album" → "wrote that Wu Hen"
 * "said that Wu Hen is" → "said that it is"
 * "Williams also expressed his" → "He also expressed his"
 * ❌ --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "The album title is named after the nickname his" → "Wu Hen is named after the nickname Williams'"
 * ❌ --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "gave him, and is a" → "gave him and is a"
 * ❌ --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "in France, "1989", after" → "in France, while "1989" is named after"
 * "who played in" → "who played on"
 * In the new order, the third para should be merged with what will be swapped to the second para
 * Remove wikilink on saxophone
 * Remove target on drummer
 * "bassist Rick Leon James, and" → "James on bass and" since the article is in British English
 * you forgot to remove the comma --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * "to perform in the album," → "to perform on Wu Hen,"
 * you missed the title --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)


 * Target lock-down isolation to COVID-19 lockdowns
 * All done 웃 O O  22:43, 23 January 2021 (UTC)

Composition

 * Change hip hop to hip-hop for consistency
 * "and electronic dance which" → "and EDM which" per the source, as it says the album is "electronic dance music" and that is EDM
 * "genre experimentation… Wu Hen" → "genre experimentation[...] Wu Hen" since that is how ellipsis are used to cut parts out of quotes
 * "through Atwood-Ferguson and Bzhezinska's" → "through Miguel Atwood-Ferguson and Alina Bzhezinska's" since it is fine to write full names if directly quoting a source
 * "from Paul and Mason"." → "from Greg Paul and Quinn Mason."" per MOS:QUOTE
 * Mention the lengths of the audio samples on their text
 * On the first sample, target traditional jazz to trad jazz
 * On the second sample, remove the introduction to "Mr. Wu" being a track and target club music to Electronic dance music
 * "The album begins with" → "Wu Hen begins with"
 * Target Ravel to Maurice Ravel
 * Italicise Afternoon of a Faun
 * Target bluesy to Blues
 * "carries it out."" → "carries it out"."
 * "does not play on that track," → "does not play on the track,"
 * "where the bass" → "where James' bass"
 * "compared to that of" → "being compared to the material of"
 * "The first half of" → "The first half of the track sees"
 * "its bass playing" → "its bass playing that was"
 * "continues that same concept," → "continues the same concept,"
 * "of Jamiroquai,[2] and" → "of Jamiroquai and" moving [2] to the end of the sentence
 * Wikilink avant-garde
 * "It was meant to" → "The song was meant to"
 * Remove target on house
 * "track that has" → "song that has" to avoid repetitive wording
 * The Fader also mentions the song's drumming; write about that
 * Target soul to Soul music
 * "Its lyrics are written by Williams, and is" → "The song's lyrics were written by Williams and are"
 * "The album closes with" → "Wu Hen closes with"

Release and reception

 * Move the album ratings template to starting in the critical response sub-section, as no reviews are listed out until then
 * "announced for release, coinciding with the premiere" → "was announced for release, coinciding with the premiere of"
 * Remove ninth and eight track introductions since it is not relevant to their separate premiere dates
 * "on 24 July under" → "on 24 July 2020 under"
 * "number 2 in the Jazz & Blues Albums chart," → "number 2 on the Jazz & Blues Albums Chart,"
 * "*"in the Independent Albums chart." → "on the Independent Albums Chart." with the target
 * "it entered the album charts at 64" → "Wu Hen entered the Scottish Singles Chart at number 64" with the target

Critical response

 * "met with "generally favorable reviews" from critics." → "met with generally favourable reviews from music critics." with the target
 * Target weighted average to Weighted arithmetic mean
 * "this release received an" → "the album received an"
 * "was "the first" → "is "the first"
 * "was too similar to" → "is too similar to Yussef Kamaal's"
 * "said that "Wu Hen" → "said, "Wu Hen"
 * "writes that "there's" → "wrote that "there's"
 * "just a producer."" → "just a producer"."
 * "by Jack Bray of The Line of Best Fit, writing: "[Wu Hen]" → "by Bray, who wrote: "[Wu Hen]"
 * "occasionally felt jarring"." → "occasionally felt jarring.""

Year-end lists

 * Wu Hen should be italicised
 * "in Rough Trade Records' year end list." → "on Rough Trade Records' year end list for 2020."
 * "was ranked at 24" → "was ranked at number 24"
 * "with Dean van Nguyen writing: "Wu Hen mnages" → "with Dean Van Nguyen writing: "Wu Hen manages"
 * "that he cruises"." → "that he cruises.""
 * Wikilink Piccadilly Records per MOS:LINK2SECT

Track listing

 * Add a source to back up the writing credits
 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Personnel

 * Are you sure the order is correct here; shouldn't design and photography personnel come last?

Charts

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * These are my opening comments; expect the rest tomorrow! --K. Peake 22:01, 23 January 2021 (UTC)
 * until all of the issues are fixed, but good luck with this short article! --K. Peake 11:49, 24 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I'll probably be busy the next couple days so I might not be able to fix everything at once. 웃 O O  16:41, 24 January 2021 (UTC)
 * That is fine; the onhold period is for a week anyway. --K. Peake 17:37, 24 January 2021 (UTC)
 * All the issues should be fixed now, let me know if I missed anything again. Though I had the personnel listed in alphabetical order. 웃 O O  03:20, 25 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Wow that was quicker than I expected; I fixed some areas where you got somewhat mixed up with copy editing and also resolved a number of issues that arose elsewhere. ✅ now, the copyvio score is at around 45% but that is due to a part from the source that is quoted from an entirely different one. --K. Peake 06:39, 25 January 2021 (UTC)