Talk:Yume Nikki/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Sparkl (talk · contribs) 18:06, 3 November 2022 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it well written?
 * A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
 * B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
 * 1) Is it verifiable with no original research?
 * A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
 * Standard reflist.
 * B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons&mdash;science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
 * C. It contains no original research:
 * D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
 * See below.
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
 * Addresses the game with a standard layout. I'm a bit concerned about the "Legacy" section being the largest in the article. The sections about the game itself seems a bit lacking as well, but it's probably the most that section can be expanded. See below.
 * B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
 * See below.
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
 * No concerns
 * 1) Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * See below.
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * See below.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * See below.
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * See below.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:

Opening comments
I like RPG Maker games, so why not? Will get to this during the weekend. Sparkl talk 18:06, 3 November 2022 (UTC)
 * Sorry that I haven't been reviewing this lately. I have some personal tasks at hand at the moment, so I hope you don't mind the wait. Sparkl talk 18:24, 8 November 2022 (UTC)
 * No worries, take your time. Currently have a lot on my plate as well. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 23:19, 8 November 2022 (UTC)
 * Again, really sorry about the long wait. Will review this fully by the weekend. I'll next review the sources, and then the prose. Sparkl talk 16:18, 17 November 2022 (UTC)

Images

 * I am a bit skeptical about the fair use rationale of the manga image under the "Legacy" section. Is it really necessary to include here? I would like a further explanation on how it benefits the reader, as the image looks no different than the game, showing Madotsuki riding a bike.
 * Probably not necessary, I can remove it. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 15:14, 18 November 2022 (UTC)
 * Branching off of this, I am a bit confused on what the caption meant by attempting to explain too much of the game's universe. Did people not like the manga because the story was too confusing or did people not like the lore?
 * I can clarify the prose. It was literally criticized for attempting that, as in people didn't want explanations for things in the game. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 15:14, 18 November 2022 (UTC)
 * The rest of the images are valid under fair use.

Broad

 * Everything in this article seems to work out fine. My only concern about "being focused on the topic" is the "Legacy" section is a bit large compared to the other sections. Are there any chances to expand upon the sections about the game or is the article in its current state the most the sections can be expanded?
 * I'm going to weak pass this on broadness and assume good faith that you gathered as many sources as you can to cover this game. I would suggested expanding the sections about the game itself (Gameplay, Reception, and especially the development, if possible). I'm also going to respect and assume faith on the length of the development section as the developer doesn't seem to be keen on providing information about themselves or the game.
 * The reception section can't really be expanded, there's only a few critic reviews of the game. The gameplay is pretty simple and I think there's a good overview already; adding much more would drift into being overly detailed fan trivia. As you mentioned, almost nothing is known about the developer or the development. I might see if there's anything important in the sources I could still add, I guess.

Copyvio

 * Nothing prominent pops up in Earwig's copyvio detector. The only things that came to close paraprasing were short phrases such as "a manga and a light novel" or "horror games like...", but I don't think you can write this in your own words without changing the meaning. Otherwise, I recommend paraphrasing as neccessary.
 * Project Yume Nikki, which managed the official merchandise, also stated that these adaptations were not meant to be reflective of Kikiyama's original vision for the game This sort of comes close to the PC Gamer source: Even the Yume Nikki project, the website that handles the official merchandise, stresses that the additional material does not reflect Kikiyama’s original vision of the game.. I recommend paraprashing this if possible.

Original research

 * On leaving the room, Madotsuki enters an area commonly referred to as the Nexus, which contains 12 new doors. The sources in this section didn't say there were 12 doors. All of them just said "multiple".
 * ✅ - weird, changed. A review of the sequel has a mention of 12 but I don't think it's necessary to include.


 * Other objects and NPCs can send Madotsuki to different areas, ... and ... shows Madotsuki jumping off of the balcony of her apartment. I had trouble finding if and where these are sourced. I only checked the sources in the section, so perhaps other sources can cite this?
 * ✅ - For the first one, I removed "and NPCs". In the HG101 review, "...occasionally interacting with an object will transport you to a new location." The second implicitly cites the game itself, per WP:PLOTSOURCE.


 * Despite this, many elements often associated with role-playing games are absent, such as dialogue and combat. I was a bit concerned about this sentence, as the Eurogamer source doesn't explicitly say this: Though created using RPG Maker, Yume Nikki has etc. This also sounds like it would fit in the Gameplay section.


 * Originally receiving a limited Japanese-only release, Yume Nikki later gained a larger cult following in the West, due in part to its fan-made English translation. This is not necessarily an original research issue, but information about the English version would really go well in the "Development and release" section, as that section doesn't say anything about an english translation.
 * ✅ - added a mention.


 * Yume Nikki has inspired the creation of a number of fangames, some of which have attempted to explore theories about the original game. The sources cited here don't explicitly say that the fangames attemped to explain theories, rather the game itself inspired the creation of the theories.
 * ✅ - the ref got deleted at some point


 * It has also influenced other indie games, including Ao Oni, Ib, Lisa: The First, Undertale and Omori. As far as I know, I only see Omori being "compared" rather than "influenced" in the sources.


 * The light novel is titled Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, and was written by Akira and illustrated by Aco Arisaka. Regarding the footnote, the Anime News Network source says that the translated title is "Inside of Your Dream, I Am Not There", but the IGN source says "I Am Not in Your Dream". I can't tell which is the actual one.
 * The English publication is called "I Am Not in Your Dream", ANN was just using a (rather clunky) translation prior to release


 * A Vocaloid image song album titled Yume Nikki no Tame no Waltz was produced for the project by Machigerita. This is sourced to a primary and secondary source of unknown reliability. Unless the unknown source can be proven to be reliable or if there are other reliable, secondary sources covering this, the sentence should be removed.


 * Along with the release of Yume Nikki on Steam, a two-week countdown appeared on the Kadokawa Games website. "Appearing on the Kadokawa Games website" is unsourced.
 * ✅ - I might have just inserted the wrong Polygon article as a ref, not sure

That's about it.

Neutral
Nothing prominent here. It seems like everything here is written factually, with opinions and statements being appropriately attributed to authors and sources. I made a few changes along the way, such as:
 * Removing "completely" in Kikiyama's status was unknown as they were completely unresponsive to all contact.
 * Replacing "Some" with "A theory" in Some speculated that they had died, possibly in the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake. (Since the sources mostly say it was a theory)
 * Replaced "worse than" with "not as good as" in Critics comparing the two games generally felt that Dream Diary was worse than the original.. This kind of sounded like Dream Diary was really bad. The sources don't necessarily say the reboot was bad anyways.

Prose
Will review the prose once all of the above is addressed.

Lead and infobox

 * The game was developed using RPG Maker 2003 but lacks many elements commonly associated with role-playing games, such as a traditional plot or battle system, with gameplay instead focusing on exploration of the dream world. You can remove the part about it lacking role-playing elements if it's unsourced. Maybe The game was developed using RPG Maker 2003, with gameplay being based on the exploration of the dream world. The sentence is pretty long anyway.
 * ✅ - Split up the sentence


 * Yume Nikki was first distributed as freeware for Windows through Kikiyama's website in June 2004, ... Nothing is ever mentioned in the body about the game being free or released for Windows. Also, the body and lead conflict here, as the lead says it was released on Kikiyama's website while the body says it was released on 2channel on the same date...


 * The game has received critical praise for its surreal visual style and emphasis on open-ended exploration; its non-linearity led some critics to describe it as a precursor to walking simulators. Remove the semicolon (not necessary, but my preference) and use a less vague term than "non-linearity". I'm actually not sure how to word this myself. Perhaps Its nonlinear gameplay ...?
 * ✅ - I don't see how it was a vague term, but the replacement is fine


 * Its pixel art visual style and horror elements inspired numerous fangames and influenced later indie games. replace with Its graphics and horror elements inspired numerous fangames and indie games, such as Ao Oni, Ib, and Undertale


 * The game has received various manga and light novel adaptations, as well as a 3D reboot called Yume Nikki: Dream Diary, also released in 2018. The body says that the game only received a manga and light novel adaptation, not "various" or numerous. I recommend paraphrasing the 3D reboot part as I felt that was shoehorned in awkwardly. Perhaps Yume Nikki: Dream Diary, a 3D reboot of Yume Nikki, was announced two weeks after the steam release of the game. It was released on February 23 in the same year.
 * ✅ - What a mess; I think/hope that wasn't my writing


 * Again, the same goes for the infobox. The note about the game being published on Kikiyama's website and the platform being Windows is unreflective of the article content.
 * The platform being Windows is implied by the fact it's on Steam, and a very uncontroversial statement to boot. ✅ - I removed the mentions of Kikiyama's website. I'm not sure but they might be a relic of when their site was used as a source in the article.

Gameplay

 * The player controls a girl named Madotsuki who lives alone in a one-room. The game begins inside her apartment, which the player is initially unable to leave. rephrase to The player controls a girl named Madotsuki who lives alone in a one-room apartment. The game begins with the player initially unable to leave.
 * ✅ - again weird, words must have gotten butchered somewhere along the way


 * Other objects and NPCs can send Madotsuki to different areas, but there is no way to encounter a game over. Maybe you can put the game over part as the last sentence of the section.
 * ✅ - I moved it in with the "has no plot, dialogue, combat" bit, where it makes sense

Development and release

 * They created the game using RPG Maker 2003, a computer program designed for making 2D role-playing games. You don't need to explain what RPG Maker 2003 is, or at least that extensively. The reader can just hover over to the wikilink to see what it is. Perhaps They created the game using the engine RPG Maker 2003


 * Despite this, many elements often associated with role-playing games are absent, such as dialogue and combat. Again, this would be better in the "Gameplay" section.
 * ✅ - I removed this, but also it's already mentioned there.


 * Kikiyama first shared a build of the game on June 26, 2004, on the Japanese textboard 2channel, and they continued to update the game until 2007, stopping at version 0.10. rephrase to On June 26, 2004, Kikiyama first shared a build of the game on the Japanese textboard 2channel. They continued to update the game until 2007, stopping at version 0.10.

Reception

 * She also attributed some of the game's popularity to the fact that its "dreamy" imagery invites speculation about its meaning. Remove "some of"
 * I don't see why this should be done. It was only one reason she gave, out of many contributing factors.


 * The gameplay and atmosphere were also positively received by critics, who identified the game's emphasis on exploration as a major appeal, ... Isn't this the same as Yume Nikki received generally positive reception from critics, particularly for its unique, surreal visual style and exploration-based gameplay? I highly suggest removing this sentence to prevent redundancy.
 * ✅ - good point; I instead changed the latter sentence


 * For the walking simulator part, maybe Some critics described Yume Nikki as an early example of a walking simulator


 * McSwain and Zavarise agreed that the game's world was enjoyable to explore, with distinct and interesting locations, but both identified the lack of any guides or maps as a source of frustration, making it too easy for the player to get stuck. rephrase to McSwain and Zavarise agreed that the game's distinct and interesting locations were enjoyable to explore. They both criticized the lack of guides or maps as a source of frustration, making it too easy for the player to get stuck.

Legacy

 * Due to the game's open-ended nature and the accessibility offered by the RPG Maker software, Yume Nikki has inspired the creation of a number of fangames, some of which have attempted to explore theories about the original game; notable examples include Yume 2kki (a collaborative project started by 2channel users) and .flow. Remove the semicolon (preference again), and replace "notable examples" to "Notable fangames". Remove the parenthesized note as it is unnecessary. Also wikilink the first instance of fangame anywhere in the article body.
 * ✅ - fangame is already wikilinked

Closing comments
Incredibly sorry for the long wait. Sometimes real life can be a real pain in the neck. I really hope you didn't mind waiting. Sparkl talk 22:39, 27 November 2022 (UTC)'
 * I think that's all I have for this review. I was on the verge of failing this on original research and prose issues (and probably comprehensiveness?), but I decided to be patient and wait for further updates as you have waited for me to review this. Hope this doesn't bring you down! Although these issues might seem abundant, they're mostly small ones. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this article, as it is the most important RPG Maker game of all-time (personally my favourite is OneShot). Sparkl talk 02:06, 28 November 2022 (UTC)
 * I should have addressed all points. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 01:24, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
 * Everything looks good now. I am very happy to say that this article is a pass! (also, don't forget to nominate for WP:DYK if you want to)  Sparkl talk 18:57, 29 November 2022 (UTC)