Template:Did you know nominations/Elyse Penaluna

Elyse Penaluna

 * ... that Australian Opal and Bulleen Boomers forward Elyse Penaluna scored 29 points and had 6 rebounds in a game against the Hobart Chargers in only 17 minutes?
 * Reviewed: Jacques Villiers
 * Comment: Moved from user space.

Created/expanded by LauraHale (talk). Self nom at 12:51, 16 May 2012 (UTC)


 * Article is new enough, long enough and neutral, but there is some minor details I want sorted. When it comes to the hook, (which I adjusted slightly) the source states that "29 points and six rebounds in just 17 minutes" nothing about her playing only 17 minutes. When it comes to the article, I have a couple of question: First: Is it normal to repeat birthdate in the body of the article (in addition to the infobox and the lead) in basketball-articles? Second: What is a "tall"? The source doesn't give me any good answer either. Third: In the WBNL-section, after the sentance about the 2010-11 season, there is three inline citation, with two of them being to the same source (ref 13), and that source doesn't support anything in that specific sentance, so it might be a mix-up. Mentoz86 (talk) 12:46, 27 May 2012 (UTC)
 * Altered the article and hook to say ""in only"
 * Yes, it is normal to repeat the birth date. The MOS requires that the lead and the body of the article be capable of standing separate. The infobox can only be a summary of the article; otherwise it has to also be referenced.
 * One of the players who is used specifically for her height.
 * This sometimes happens when I copyedit an article; the sources get rolled up. Removed unused reference.

Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:55, 27 May 2012 (UTC)
 * Hook can be tightened, and putting the scoring/rebounding next to the time would be more effective. "Just" or "only" aren't necessary. Finally, need to be explicit that it's basketball; team names mean zip to non-Australians. Suggestion:
 * ALT1: ... that Australian Opal and Bulleen Boomers forward Elyse Penaluna scored 29 points and made 6 rebounds in 17 minutes during a basketball game against the Hobart Chargers? —BlueMoonset (talk) 21:50, 27 May 2012 (UTC)

The original problem(s) have been sorted, I'd go for BlueMoonset's proposal (ALT1) for hook. Mentoz86 (talk) 11:34, 28 May 2012 (UTC)
 * Though as a side-note, the "tall" thingy might be explained for readers not familiar to basketball (unless I'm the only one not getting it). Not necessary in the article, might include it in the ref or maybe a wikilink to a (new) article where it is explained. But I don't know, I don't know much about basketball.Mentoz86 (talk) 11:34, 28 May 2012 (UTC)