Template:Did you know nominations/Jermyn Symonds

Jermyn Symonds

 * ... that Captain Jermyn Symonds, who became a 19th-century Member of Parliament from Auckland, New Zealand, originally moved to New Zealand to join his brother, who drowned soon after in a boating accident?

5x expanded by Schwede66 (talk). Nominated by Yoninah (talk) at 11:36, 26 January 2014 (UTC).


 * Symbol question.svg 5× expansion of May 10, 2013 version completed within 5 days, from 180 characters to 1,972 characters now. Duplication detector check of main sources  reveal no close paraphrasing issues, although one sentence from the PDF source ("He left before the end of 1841 to join his brother (Captain W. C. Symonds, q.v.), in New Zealand") appears too similar for comfort to one in the article ("He left for New Zealand in 1841 to join his elder brother William Cornwallis Symonds in Auckland").  Article is well-sourced, with at least one citation per paragraph.  Hook is 202 characters long, which is over the 200 character max. limit.  No QPQ needed.  So just the paraphrasing issue and hook length for the nom to be passed. —Bloom6132 (talk) 23:33, 26 January 2014 (UTC)
 * I've reworded the offending sentence. I'm not entirely comfortable with the hook, and I have omitted the words "soon after" in the article. I'm not entirely sure when J. J. Symonds arrived in New Zealand. Lots of newspapers have been digitised and are searchable, but I couldn't pinpoint his arrival date. The sources are ambiguous and it is possible that he arrived after his brother drowned. "He left before the end of 1841 to join his brother (Captain W. C. Symonds, q.v.), in New Zealand." is what it says in the DNZB, and that could mean anything. The obituaries, admittedly written 40 years later, record an arrival in 1842; not that I would put too much trust into that being accurate, but nothing says explicitly that he did see his brother alive. I thus suggest the following hook (it's a bit clumsy, and maybe somebody can wordsmith this a bit): Schwede 66  10:03, 27 January 2014 (UTC)


 * ALT1 ... that Captain Jermyn Symonds, who became a Member of Parliament from Auckland, originally moved to New Zealand in 1841 to join his brother, who drowned that year?


 * Symbol confirmed.svg New hook is 161 characters long. Reworded sentence is much better.  Looks good to go! —Bloom6132 (talk) 10:07, 27 January 2014 (UTC)