Template:Did you know nominations/Jimmy Florian


 * The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as |this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by SL93 (talk) 08:45, 10 June 2017 (UTC)

Jimmy Florian

 * ... that Jimmy Florian won the first NASCAR race for Ford Motor Company while driving a car owned by the Detroit chief of police? Source: Motorsport.com
 * Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Bang Bang (Green Day song)

Created by ZappaOMati (talk). Self-nominated at 04:00, 19 May 2017 (UTC).


 * Symbol question.svg The article is brand-new and long enough at around 2,500 characters, less a few from the key in the results section (not enough to make a difference for DYK purposes). The hook itself is under 200 characters and quite interesting, more so than many hooks here. The article does have some issues that need fixing, however.
 * First and most important, citations need to appear immediately after the hook fact(s): for this article, there should be references at the end of the sentences related to the Detroit chief of police and Ford's first NASCAR win.
 * Second, the hook itself is confusing to me. It reads like he won the first NASCAR race, which I don't believe is the intention (that this was the first race a Ford car won). Maybe that could be reworded in the blurb.
 * Also in the blurb, does NASCAR mean all races under the NASCAR business or just the Grand National Series? The source implies the latter, and if so the blurb and the article should indicate this. You have enough room in the blurb to add the series name without going over the character limit, and it's always better to be precise.
 * Reference 5 is to Historic Racing, which looks like a hobbyist site of unclear reliability. See if this content can be cited to a better source; at least some of it looks like it can be supported by other refs I looked at.
 * I spot-checked references 1, 2, and 6, and see the following issues:
 * In ref 1, the source for the hook, it just says that the Detroit chief of police had previously owned the car; I don't read it as saying that the chief of police owned the car at the time (it says it was "originally" owned by him). This is the kind of issue that gets brought up at DYK talk all the time, and I want to prevent that here. Either re-word things or find a source that supports the chief owning the car at the time.
 * Ref 2 doesn't say that the race in question was Florian's debut. Try using this page from that site, which verifies the sentence.
 * Ref 6 has "He passed away from cancer in February 1999 at the age of 75", while the article has "He died of cancer in February 1999 at the age of 75". I understand that items like this are hard to rephrase, but see if you can at least change some of the word order around so the paraphrasing isn't so close. This is the only bit of close paraphrasing I ran into, for the record. Giants2008  ( Talk ) 21:49, 19 May 2017 (UTC)
 * First one's covered. For the second one, I provided an alt below. Third one's addressed, as are the fourth, fifth and sixth.  Zappa  24  Mati   22:52, 19 May 2017 (UTC)
 * ALT1: ... that Jimmy Florian won the Ford Motor Company's first NASCAR Grand National Series race while driving a car that was formerly owned by the Detroit chief of police? Source: Motorsport.com
 * For the blurb (which I think is better), you still need a ref directly after the sentence saying it was Ford's first win, and I still believe we should mention that it was the Grand National Series. As an additional point for improving the article, I'd expect a nickname like "Shirtless" to have a cite; I saw it in one of the references I looked at, so this should be simple to take care of. Giants2008  ( Talk ) 18:49, 20 May 2017 (UTC)
 * ✅  Zappa  24  Mati   21:21, 20 May 2017 (UTC)
 * Symbol confirmed.svg I took the liberty of adding "that" to the start of ALT1, in line with DYK requirements. With that done, I'd say that ALT1 is good to go. Giants2008  ( Talk ) 01:32, 21 May 2017 (UTC)