Template:Did you know nominations/Jonathan Pettibone


 * The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as |this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Hawkeye7 (talk) 19:33, 16 June 2014 (UTC)

Jonathan Pettibone

 * ... that in an effort to sway him to sign with the team, two Philadelphia Phillies pitchers called Jonathan Pettibone to discuss baseball?
 * ALT1:... that Philadelphia Phillies pitchers Cole Hamels and Kyle Kendrick called Jonathan Pettibone to try to convince him to sign with the team?
 * Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Juniata County, Pennsylvania

5x expanded by Go Phightins! (talk). Self nominated at 22:26, 27 May 2014 (UTC).

I still need a review please.  Go  Phightins  !  00:59, 16 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Another alt which mixes the wording of both of the original hooks to make it short and clear:
 * ALT2: ... that two Philadelphia Phillies pitchers called Jonathan Pettibone to try to convince him to sign with the team? 97198 (talk) 13:58, 30 May 2014 (UTC)
 * - that's a good one.  Go  Phightins  !  16:29, 1 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Symbol question.svg Expansion new enough (for 26 May) and long enough. QPQ done. Original hook, ALT1 and ALT2 check out online with citation #4. Those hooks are all fine, but I have struck the first two in favour of ALT2 which is preferred by the nominator. No problems with disambig links or with access to external links. The article is written in an objective and neutral manner. There are instances of colloquial American syntax (I'm not referring to baseball jargon), but the meaning is clear, it is used in a controlled manner and it does not detract from the content. Colloquial English can appear dated after a couple of decades, but the beauty of Wikipedia is that we can update it when necessary. Issue: (1) "Concerning" is used wrongly in the article; it really means regarding or respecting (google it). I accept that we frequently hear it misused verbally in the same way, but it doesn't work on the page. The word you need is the adjective "worrying", or synomyms for that. (2) Re possible copyvio or close paraphrasing: you have duplicated "'by the philadelphia phillies in the third round of the 2008' (citation #4)""'shut (him) down with an inflamed rotator cuff' (citation #7)"I have checked citations 1-9, but have not checked 10-17 for potential sources for copyvio. The above two instances found are minor, but let's re-write them to be on the safe side; in the second instance you could simply translate the colloquial/jargon "shut him down" into Standard English. Summary: when minor issues 1 and 2 are resolved, this nom should be OK. --Storye book (talk) 08:55, 16 June 2014 (UTC)
 * All suggestions addressed except that I left "by the Philadelphia Phillies in the third round of the 2008 draft", as there really is not a better way to say that ... I was thinking of removing the passive voice, and writing it The Phillies selected Pettibone in the ...", but that takes the emphasis off the player and onto the team, which is not the subject of the article. Frankly, it's coincidence that a source and I wrote that ... it's just the way baseball people tend to say when someone was drafted. If you really think it is a close paraphrasing concern, which I don't, seeing as it's a commonly used five word phrase (i.e. x round of the x draft), we can look at it, but I am not concerned. Your call, .  Go  Phightins  !  12:26, 16 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Thank you, Go Phightins!. No worries, I'm happy to go with your explanation. For me as a reviewer, thoroughness is more about bringing everything into the open for discussion, and less about thinking up ways of holding up nominations. Anyway, well done - you have provided useful information for the fans, while keeping pretty well within the remit of an encyclopaedia article.--Storye book (talk) 15:08, 16 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Symbol confirmed.svg Good to go for ALT2. --Storye book (talk) 15:08, 16 June 2014 (UTC)