Template:Did you know nominations/National Convention of New Sudan

National Convention of New Sudan

 * ... that the 1994 National Convention of New Sudan chartered out a civil political administration in the areas held by SPLA guerrillas?
 * Reviewed:

Created/expanded by Soman (talk). Self nom at 06:52, 29 July 2012 (UTC)


 * Symbol confirmed.svg Article written within the last 5 days. Long enough. Is neutral, cites sources, free of copyright violations or plagiarism. Hook is properly formatted, interesting in view of political developments leading to new country of South Sudan, accurate in line with inline citations, neutral, does not focus on any specific living people. Appears good to go. Donner60 (talk) 08:04, 29 July 2012 (UTC)
 * Symbol question.svg I've considered promoting this hook a couple of times, but I can't figure out whether "chartered out" means "charted out"—that is, made plans for—or "chartered" as in "set up". The article gives clues, but not enough so I can eliminate either possibility. Can the hook please be revised so its meaning is clearer? Thanks! BlueMoonset (talk) 21:49, 30 July 2012 (UTC)
 * I have left a message for Soman asking him to clarify the verb. I must admit that I actually read it as charted, but in the context thought that it meant set up rather than planned. If I read the source as well as the article correctly, the convention actually passed "laws" and set up the administrative details - or that was their intention. I mentioned to Soman that I did not read the sources closely enough to see if these measures and institutions were adopted and implemented, which could affect the meaning of charted out. "Chartered out" is too vague for the hook, now that I consider it more carefully in line with your comments. Sorry I did not catch the distinction or I think I would have asked Soman about it earlier. Donner60 (talk) 01:06, 31 July 2012 (UTC)
 * 'Chartered' was a typo, it should have been 'charted out'. Perhaps 'outlined' would be a better word. 'set up' could also be used, but it should be understood that the actual implementation of the grand proposals taken at the convention would have been somewhat limited. For example the separation of executive and legislative powers was never really implemented. On the other hand the laws were according to the reference drafted at the convention, although it is fair to assume that they were also adopted and implemented immediately. --Soman (talk) 06:27, 31 July 2012 (UTC)
 * Can you please propose an ALT hook, then, to reflect this information. However, I'm wary of phrases like "fair to assume". Any sources that might indicate that they were? If not, then the hook can only say what the convention did, not what was implemented afterward. BlueMoonset (talk) 00:30, 1 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Based on the response from Soman and my limited reading of the sources, I think the following alternative would be both clear and accurate
 * ALT 1 ... that the 1994 National Convention of New Sudan drew up a civil political administration for the areas held by SPLA guerrillas?
 * I would leave it up to Soman to agree to this alternative or propose another. I will leave him a message. Donner60 (talk) 03:41, 1 August 2012 (UTC)
 * I'm ok with ALT1. --Soman (talk) 15:09, 1 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Symbol redirect vote4.png Can someone rule on the new ALT1? There's something about "drew up a civil political administration" that doesn't quite strike me right, but I can't figure out why, and don't think this should be hung up waiting for me to figure it out. Thanks. BlueMoonset (talk) 05:04, 8 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Perhaps "drew up" still has an implication of implementation. Soman suggested the word "outlined." I thought that was ok but it seemed a little tentative. How about using "outlined" instead of "drew up." I think it is still accurate and in line with the sources. I will leave a message for Soman.
 * ALT 1 ... that the 1994 National Convention of New Sudan drew up a civil political administration for the areas held by SPLA guerrillas? Donner60 (talk) 07:51, 8 August 2012 (UTC)
 * I'm ok with 'outlined' too. --Soman (talk) 07:53, 8 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Rewriting ALT1 with "outlined" instead of "drew up" for the benefit of whoever promotes this per both Soman and Donner60:
 * ALT2: ... that the 1994 National Convention of New Sudan outlined a civil political administration for the areas held by SPLA guerrillas?


 * Symbol confirmed.svg Unwilling to let this sit any longer. ALT2 is approved unequivocally, I'll leave ALT1 to the consideration of the promoting hook set builder (but note the thoughts above), and I've struck the original hook as problematic. The rest of the tick comes from Donner60's original review. BlueMoonset (talk) 04:35, 19 August 2012 (UTC)