Template talk:Did you know/South Africa Conciliation Committee

South Africa Conciliation Committee

 * ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) publicised the plight of Boer women during the Second Boer War, having learnt of this through her work for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
 * Reviewed: Al ash-Sheikh

Created by Fayenatic london (talk). Self nom at 12:07, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Please add a comment and signature (or just a signature if endorsing) after each aspect you have reviewed:

Hook
 * Length, format, content rules: Acceptable, except still labelled as a stub (stub tag can go IMO)--Slashme (talk) 09:16, 26 July 2011 (UTC)
 * OK, de-stubbed. - Fayenatic (talk) 11:54, 26 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Source: Legitimate source. --Slashme (talk) 09:16, 26 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Interest: Relatively broad interest: famous person, relatively unknown aspect of her work. --Slashme (talk) 09:16, 26 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Image suitability: Perfect. --Slashme (talk) 09:16, 26 July 2011 (UTC)
 * ALT hooks, if proposed:

Article
 * Length: Passes technically, but is on the short side. I'm ok with it, I guess. Tony   (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Vintage: Tony  (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Sourcing (V, RS, BLP): Looks ok. Tony   (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Neutrality: Could be a mildly controversial area, but at this early stage of article, looks ok. Tony   (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Plagiarism/close paraphrasing: Hard to tell with those book sources, but take on trust, especially as a bit of material is directly quoted. Has Fatenatic been back? Tony   (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
 * The only direct quotes are the organisation's formal objects; I think I rewrote everything else pretty thoroughly. "Been back" - how do you mean? - Fayenatic (talk) 13:15, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Copyvio:
 * Obvious faults in prose, structure, formatting: Tony   (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

Comments/discussion: Hook is only just hooky enough. Emily Hobhouse, as far as I can tell, contains the makings of appalling facts about the British concentration camps. Just a suggestion. The article has great potential for expansion. Tony  (talk)  08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)


 * I tried making up a hook that mentioned the British concentration camps, but I thought the result was too long.
 * ALT1: ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) publicised the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War, having learnt of this through her work for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
 * Just over 200 characters including spaces. - Fayenatic (talk) 13:15, 28 July 2011 (UTC)


 * ALT2: ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) publicised the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War after working for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
 * This is shorter. Any takers? Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:36, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
 * ALT2 has a rather weak, merely implied, connection between the hooky part and the new article. - Fayenatic (talk) 13:18, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
 * ALT3: ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) learned about the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War while working for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
 * Better? Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:26, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
 * With respect, I don't think it's better, because many readers won't know who Hobhouse was, or that she did a great deal about it.
 * ALT4: ... that from her work for the South Africa Conciliation Committee, Emily Hobhouse (pictured) went on to publicise the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War?
 * 15 characters shorter than ALT1; how's that? - Fayenatic (talk) 18:09, 3 August 2011 (UTC)
 * ALT4 looks okay. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:29, 3 August 2011 (UTC)