The Deadly Attachment

"The Deadly Attachment" is the first episode of the sixth series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Wednesday, October 31, 1973. It is arguably one of the best-known episodes of the series because of the comic aspects of a rare encounter between the platoon and the Germans. A scene in which a German officer demands to know Private Pike's name, and Captain Mainwaring says, "Don't tell him, Pike!" has been judged as one of the top three greatest comedy moments of British television.

Plot
Captain Mainwaring is giving the platoon a lecture to determine the respective identities of British and German parachutists. This leads to a discussion about the possibility of German troops disguised as refugee nuns parachuting into Britain. Mainwaring's lecture is interrupted by a telephone call from GHQ; the survivors of a sunken German U-boat have been picked up by a fishing boat and taken to Walmington-on-Sea. The Home Guard unit is to be responsible for providing security until the proper military escort can arrive. Mainwaring, excited at finally getting to grips with the enemy, sets off with most of the platoon to collect the prisoners, but not before ordering Sergeant Wilson and Private Pike to prime the platoon's allocation of hand grenades.

Pike is excited at handling grenades and pretending to be a gangster; Wilson is a lot more cautious, and on discovering dummy detonators along with the real charges, he opts to prime the grenades with dummies, reasoning that allowing certain members of the platoon to be in charge of live grenades  could be very dangerous.

The prisoners, including their smug and surly captain, are held in the church hall until the escort arrives. However, Mainwaring receives another phone call from GHQ, saying the escort has been delayed and won't arrive until the following day, meaning the Home Guard will be responsible for the prisoners overnight, including their feeding. Corporal Jones's suggestion of cutting the prisoners' trouser buttons off is dismissed by the U-boat captain as a violation of the Geneva Convention, thus earning Mainwaring's ire. Mainwaring refers to Adolf Hitler as a tinpot dictator resembling Charlie Chaplin, annoying the captain, who starts to make a list of names of those he will seek out for retribution once the war ends. Pike begins to sing a mocking song. The captain says that his name will also go on the list and asks what it is. Mainwaring says, "Don't tell him, Pike!", thus inadvertently revealing Pike's name.

After the prisoners receive a fish and chip supper ordered by Private Walker (including soggy chips, despite the U-boat captain's demands), the platoon settles down to guard the prisoners overnight. The Verger and Warden Hodges enter the hall after a night out drinking to find the prisoners waiting for them. Taking advantage of the distraction, the U-boat captain feigns illness and manages to steal Mainwaring's revolver, seizing Hodges as a hostage.

After a tense standoff between the Germans (housed in the vicar's office with their hostage) and the platoon (in the main hall with superior firepower), Mainwaring has an idea; he agrees to release the prisoners, confident that someone in the town will see them escaping. The captain has anticipated this, and says the platoon will escort the prisoners through town and back to the harbour so as to avert suspicion, and will then accompany them back to France to ensure that the Royal Navy does not intervene. Once they are across the channel, his list will be closely examined. Cooperation will be further enforced by a grenade attached to a line of string in Jones's waistband, which the captain will activate at any hint of trouble.

The U-boat captain's plan is inadvertently thwarted by Mainwaring's senior officer, Colonel Pritchard, who chances upon the marching platoon en route to the harbour and, seeing the string in Jones' waistband, immediately pulls it. In the resulting chaos, Wilson calmly asks the Colonel for his gun, and uses it to recapture the Germans, forcing them up against the wall. Upon being told by Wilson that the grenades had been primed with false detonators, Mainwaring angrily asks why Wilson can never follow his orders, before realising that Wilson has saved Jones' life. Jones then asks that Private Frazer remove his hand from his trousers.

Cast

 * Arthur Lowe as Captain Mainwaring
 * John Le Mesurier as Sergeant Wilson
 * Clive Dunn as Lance-Corporal Jones
 * John Laurie as Private Frazer
 * James Beck as Private Walker
 * Arnold Ridley as Private Godfrey
 * Ian Lavender as Private Pike
 * Philip Madoc as U-boat Captain
 * Bill Pertwee as ARP Warden Hodges
 * Edward Sinclair as The Verger
 * Robert Raglan as The Colonel
 * Colin Bean as Private Sponge

Adaptations
The episode was adapted for radio and a recreation of this episode formed the fourth instalment of the 2007 Dad's Army stage show. In 1976, the episode script was selected as the basis of an unsuccessful pilot episode for an American Broadcasting Company adaptation called The Rear Guard. The script also forms part of the combination of four shortened episodes published for amateur production.

The episode has been adapted on a number of occasions. Some changes were made when this episode was adapted for radio. In particular, it was the Vicar, not Hodges, who became the hostage.