User:0JOTARO/Plum pudding model/Walti13 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

0JOTARO


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:0JOTARO/Plum_pudding_model?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Plum pudding model

Evaluate the drafted changes
I am assuming that the edits that you made are the statements underlined and bolded. For the first statement starting with "Thomson's model was the first..." I think that I understand what it is you are trying to say but it is worded really awkwardly and it did take a second to comprehend the meaning. I think "although" is a bad choice to be used in the middle of the sentence. The second edit that you did starting with "After the advances in science..." seems uncessary with the quote. The quote doesn't really add much and it just makes the first part of the statement unclear because "Thomson decided to incorporate radioactivity in his model by stating" means that he obtained the ability to do that by stating something which isn't true. I think the other edits that you made are pretty good. The only other thing I would comment on is in the last edit with the words dynamic and static because it could be clearer with some better word choice.