User:1013-rey/archive

My Project
Project changed to Neonatal nursing. See this archived page for a record of discussion about the previous topic.

Workshop: Neonatal nursing in the United States
Workshop Guidelines

Hi, I've nominated an article you worked on, Neonatal nursing, for consideration to appear on the Main Page as part of Did you know. You can see the "hook" for the article at Template talk:Did you know where you can improve it if you see fit. 1013-josh 22:14, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

I like that you chose this topic, as you have personal experience with the subject. To tell you the truth, when you selected it, I was a little surprised there was no existing article on neonatal nursing. As vast as Wikipedia seems, there are a lot of areas it hasn't covered very well, and I'm pleased to see you putting some essential information into the public domain. Structurally, the article is working well. The organization of sections is logical and helps you present the information cleanly to the reader. One thing I am interested to hear more about is the history of neonatal nursing. The changes the profession has undergone over the last 30 years are interesting to read about, and I found this section of your article particularly compelling. The main thing the article needs is a rigorous copy edit, cleaning up sentence style and grammar. You should also strive for a more formal encyclopedic tone. You use a colloquial voice at times (e.g. "this is simply not allowed") that doesn't suit the forum of a Wikipedia article. Another concern is that your article is what they call "U.S.-centric." It's mostly about neonatal nursing in the United States. The salary considerations, qualifications, policies, and even the history relate mostly to the United States nursing system. That's fine; there's nothing wrong with an article about neonatal nursing in the U.S. But you have to be careful that your language doesn't imply that the U.S. system is the norm around the world. You should open with an international definition of neonatal nursing, and then you may want to make a special section called "Neonatal nursing in the United States" and include most of your information there. If other Wikipedia editors want to come along and add sections about neonatal nursing in other countries they will be able to do so, or you could do some more research yourself. Finally, your article could use a heavy dose of (a) internal links ("wikilinks") in the body text, and (b) in-text citations (footnotes) after the statistics and elsewhere as appropriate. You're off to a good start with research, and your references section is filling out nicely, but sometimes it's hard to match those references up with specific pieces of information in the text. 1013-josh 09:28, 2 May 2007 (UTC)

Hi, your introduction is very informative and does a good job of letting the reader know what neonatal nursing is, but it seems quite long. I think it would be helpful if you separated you introduction into more sections. Maybe add a section on the different levels of neonatal nursing. Your qualifications and requirements section is well organized and contains good information. The salary section is also well organized and informative. Your history to present seems to be more focused on the job outlook, it might be a good idea to include more about the history and present if possible. It also might be a good idea to change the title of the section to include outlook. Overall your article is very informative, but it seems to focus more on the job side of things rather than the procedures used to care for the infants. Your article could also use some footnotes and a categories section at the bottom of the page. This may be unnecessary, but I was told by a wikipedian to create stubs for red wiki links. 1013-Brendan 20:35, 3 May 2007 (UTC)

Hi Loree,
 * I found your article very informative and also enjoyed reading something that wasn't about nature for once this semester! I can say that I learned a lot of new facts that I was not familiar with in the past, so it does its job in functioning as sort of an encyclopedic entry. One downfall though is that a lot of the information is very general and it gets redundant in several spots. The organization of this article needs to be remodeled a bit because the first section makes up about half the paper. Like Brenden suggested, you could make a heading called "Levels of Neonatal Nursing", using sub-headings for the Level I, Level II, and Level III paragraphs. Along these same lines, the next set of headings looks awkward the way it is right now, so I decided to delete the "Neonatal Nursing in the United States" title because it really isn't necessary. You don't talk about any specific facts dealing with other countries at all in the paper, so why would you need that heading anyway? The history to present section contains valuable information, but I think it would be good to split that into 2 headings as well. I made a pretty substantial revision regarding grammar, re-wording of sentences, etc. so be sure to check out the history of your page. Overall, great start to your paper, and I wish you the best of luck with final revisions! 1013-Lisa 06:15, 4 May 2007 (UTC)

Hi. Your article is very thorough, but it is still really only about the US. I suggest you move it to Neonatal nursing in the United States (use the "move" tab next to "history" at the top). That would allow you to drop the passing references to other countries and the awkward "Neonatal Nursing in the United States" heading. If somebody wants to come along later and fill out details for other countries or give a worldwide overview they can always move it back or merge it with their new article. There are still a few places where you have some repetition, but for a first article it is very good. Yomangani talk 01:31, 5 May 2007 (UTC)

What do you think, Loree? Should we move it to Neonatal nursing in the United States? 1013-josh 01:40, 5 May 2007 (UTC)


 * I have no idea if I should, I guess it would give it a more specific title since I am only speaking of Neonatal nursing in the US, but would I have to change formatting and everything?


 * Okay, I just moved it for you. Formatting stays the same, and the old article will redirect to the new one. 1013-josh 05:05, 5 May 2007 (UTC)

Hi Loree- I think you definitely have a great start to information on neonatal nursing. You have a ton of revelant information that could provide a researcher solid facts about the nurses and the field. It is also refreshing to read about something a little different from anything else I have read about this semester. I do think that the beginning kind of overwhelms me with information. I think that that should be just a brief overview of the topic, and the other information should be moved to underneith the contents box. Also, your history topic should be moved above the qualifications topic. I think the flow would be a little bit better. You still need a see also section and to cite more of your work. Tomorrow I will have a full research day, so I will provide you with some more articles to contribute to yur article. I will also help with grammatical stuff (I thought that was my job, but I'm not sure so I will do it anyways). Great start and good luck. 1013-shae 03:46, 5 May 2007 (UTC)

Participation: Loree
I gave a review for Lisa's page and was quite pleased on her article.

I gave a review for Shae's page and enjoyed reading it, but gave an opinion on citations/resources. Went through paper and footnotes and got deleted some random punctuation.

I gave a review for Brendan's page and was happy to be able to relate to the article and gave an opinion on separating paragraphs.

Homework
Hi Josh- I have finished my homework for Apr. 16, 2007 1013-rey 15:42, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

Homework for Apr. 18 2007 The Ents resemble real trees in every way, except for the fact that they can see, talk, and move. 1013-rey 15:47, 18 April 2007 (UTC)


 * Good work. In the future, please include a link to the page you edited, so I can follow your work. (In this case, I was able to find it, so no worries this time.) You don't need to copy your sentence here because I can see it in the page history. Remember to add a comment to the edit summary box to make it easier for other users to follow your changes. You may want to add the film page to your watchlist so you can see what becomes of your changes. 1013-josh 17:43, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

Homework for Apr. 20 2007 I give consent for this project.1013-rey 16:39, 20 April 2007 (UTC)


 * Okay, great! Let me know at any time if you change your mind and would like to switch to an off-line research assignment. 1013-josh 18:36, 20 April 2007 (UTC)

Homework for Apr. 23 2007 I have finished my introduction to my research topic. 1013-rey 08:07, 22 April 2007 (UTC)


 * Looking good so far. Have you been able to find more than two sources? Have you looked at the similar articles in List of nursing specialties? I think you can adjust your language to bring your article closer to encyclopedia style, and it may be helpful to model your article after one of those other nursing specialties. For example, instead of saying, "Neonatal nursing is where...", you could say, "Neonatal nursing is an area of..." or "Neonatal nursing is a specialized practice of..." 1013-josh 15:38, 23 April 2007 (UTC)

Hey josh! I guess I am done with my article, it is finished. :) It was awesome having you as our teacher, so thank you for all you have done and good luck with whatever you do! Have a great summer! 1013-rey 12:53, 10 May 2007 (UTC)

Notes from Josh & the Class
Hey, I just posted some helpful research links; don't miss them! 1013-josh 21:34, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

Notes from Wikipedians
Wikipedians, if you're commenting specifically about the Neonatal nursing article, feel free to chime in in the "Workshop" section above.

Topic ideas
If you're looking for a place to get ideas, you might check out WikiProject_Biography/Core_biographies/Cultural_depictions_of_core_biography_figures. Wikipedia's biography project has identified 200 people as core biographies - people such as Napoleon, Albert Einstein, etc. - with an ultimate goal of prioritizing improvements to the site's biography articles of the most important people in history. I raised one of those pages to featured article status and in the process I branched off an "in popular culture" section into a featured list called Cultural depictions of Joan of Arc. A similar approach might benefit quite a few of those other core biographies. If this idea interests you, consult with your instructor. Best wishes, Durova Charge! 17:45, 20 April 2007 (UTC)

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I noticed that the Root River (Wisconsin) article is under 200 words, so if you want a topic local to your hometown you might also consider that.--Pharos 07:38, 22 April 2007 (UTC)

Hello and Welcome to Wikipedia. I noticed you added a ref tag to your draft. See Footnotes for a how-to guideline on formatting refs. --Geniac 02:45, 24 April 2007 (UTC)