User:12Birds/Seborrhoeic dermatitis/Petersonmk18 Peer Review

General info
(provide username)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Reviewed work: 12Birds

Link to current page: Seborrhoeic dermatitis

LEAD SECTION:

-Recommending change of first sentence- rather than describing SD misnomer, write what the condition is succinctly. For example, " Seborrheic dermatitis is a type of skin rash that is characterized by itchy, flaking skin with an inflamed/red, oily base."

-Consider changing lead section image (man with glasses) to a higher quality, more classic presentation.

-Consider consolidating last two sentences, "SD is more common in African Americans, individuals with Parkinson's Disease, and those who have a weak immune system such as individuals with HIV."

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS:

- This sentence may be too detailed for readers, I think "hair loss" as mentioned in the above sentence would be okay. --> "Such hair loss varies in appearance from diffuse thinning to patchy areas of hair loss."

FUNGI

-This section has a good bit of medical jargon. Consider making the terms more simple (ex: sebum, central predispositioning factor)

-Consider simplifying the, "Although Malassezia appears to be the central predisposing factor in seborrhoeic dermatitis, it is thought that other factors are necessary for the presence of Malassezia to result in the pathology characteristic of the condition. This is based on the fact that summer growth of Malassezia in the skin alone does not result in seborrhoeic dermatitis." to something more like, "Although Malassezia appears to play a main role in the development of SD, it may not be the main cause."

BACTERIA

-Recommending similar adjustment to this section to something like, "Several bacteria, including x, y, z, may also be linked to the cause of SD"

IMMUNE DYSFUNCTION

-Consider making this sections a "miscellaneous" section, as stroke and PD are not specifically immune-related

MECHANISM

-Change "thee" to "the" in the first part of the paragraph (typo)

Sources:

-Review source 9, 21, 26, 29 for validity (may not be review paper or meta-analysis)

-Review sources 13, 15, 16, 17, 19, 30, 32, 33, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 414246, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 55 for date relevance (not sure what your date cutoff is!)

Peer review reply
Made changes accordingly! Lots of minor edits and rearrangements. Some sentence structure were updated differently than recommended to keep the information more accurate (ex: "Several bacteria, including x, y, z, may also be linked to the cause of SD" would not work since they're not really linked just likely interact in some way). Kept most of the sources even if a bit older since the info still stands and there are no major technological changes for Sebderm.