User:40James42/Renewable energy in the United States/Jonwahl Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

40James42


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:40James42/Renewable energy in the United States


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Renewable energy in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, this is good. It’s pretty jam-packed with information which is great, though it can become hard to decipher sometimes. I would say you’ve established your ‘what’ pretty well (What is the employment benefit?) but I think you need to spend more time establishing a ‘why’ or a ‘how’ or both. This could always be something I just missed because I don’t know much about this topic, if that’s the case then please disregard. But if not it’s a change I would definitely consider.

In terms of the conciseness and writing conventions, there are a few spots worth touching up. In a dense, research-based article it is important to use the active voice, otherwise sentences become bogged down and lose their meaning. An example of this would be in paragraph 2 where you say, "Although the country specific affects varied." Instead try something like "Although the effects varied between countries. . ." This is not the only example of the passive voice, so I would recommend looking up a passive voice checker on google, it will highlight any instances of passive voice and you can fix it all in less than 10 minutes. Also, there are a few run-on sentences and unconcise phrases throughout the paper too, just give it a quick read over and you should basically iron all of it out.

The first sentence could definitely become a paragraph of its own, I feel, if it were a bit more fleshed out. Not to say you should (because it may not fit in your topic). Maybe a more in-depth look at what factors into the unpredictable job creation: what unforeseen technological developments have there been in the past? Instances which show the US’s uncertain import/export levels, etc.

While your sentence stating that non-fossil fuel energies create more jobs per unit is good, how does this phenomenon happen? Is it an instance of “I hire one person to dig a hole, and I hire another person to fill in that hole.” Or is it true job growth?

As well, the final sentence in the first paragraph may need some more explanation to it as well, can you provide examples of these kinds of jobs? How would it naturally lead to the addition of indirect/induced jobs?

In regard to the second paragraph, the research here is good, but can you flesh out the connection between U.S. renewable energy employment and European renewable energy employment? I know that the connection is kind of self-explanatory but even those self-explanatory connections need some sort of treatment.