User:A1c23/Sensory deprivation/M.carrots Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

A1c23/Sensory deprivation


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:A1c23/Sensory_deprivation?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Sensory deprivation - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

The content added to the article is the strength of draft that has been written, as it is the prevalent to the subject of Sensory Deprivation and aids in the understanding of it. The explanation of the argument was consistent and factual, but the paragraph addressing the Floating Man argument could be edited further to be more concise. This can be easily done if some sentences were combined, and others were shortened. A similar issue is seen in the paragraph on substance dualism, as there is a period after "substances" which shouldn't be there, as you continued the sentence after the period. however, this is only a minor mistake and can be fixed by the removal of it (note: quotations are not required to be followed by a period in most cases, especially a singular word) if the Another minor critique is to avoid words like arguably as it affects the neutrality of the information that is being provided. It can be removed without effecting the sentence structure nor the understanding of it. It can overall be improved by editing the grammar and sentence structures, but the work that was added was great!! The inclusion of in class material was amazing and something that is lacking in my edits. Good job!