User:ACapper/Benjamin Danielson/Megluther Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

ACapper - Autumn Capper


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ACapper/Benjamin_Danielson?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Does not currently exist

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

Overall great lead! I'm thinking it might be a bit too detailed and not as succinct as you could make it, but it is up to you (looking back at it after reading through the whole article it looks good, it is more summarized than I had previously thought). Great job providing links and citations here (as well as in the rest of your article). Your infobox looks incredible as well! I think I will follow your example and put the dates of degree completion in the infobox.

Content

You do a fantastic job of including his title, "Dr." throughout the article, but I'm wondering if in the early life and education section, if it would just make more sense to refer to him as "Danielson" because at this point he did not yet have his PhD? That's just what makes sense in my mind, but I think you are technically correct.

In the first paragraph of the career and health equity advocacy, I would consider getting rid of "The clinic was founded" sentence (and possibly the next sentence as well), as it does not directly pertain to Dr. Danielson and is more about the clinic itself.

Sources and references/new article feedback

You use sources that are pretty recent and your information appears to be pretty up to date, great job! Great list of resources from a variety of places, so I definitely think he is worthy of having a page in terms of Wikipedia's standards. I would consider putting in some outside links to some of the things you mention in the article instead of just Wiki links when they are available. Great use of images (I'm still confused how you were able upload them with all the licensing stuff, so kudos to you!)

Overall/tone and balance/organization

It is an interesting choice to merge early life and education into one category. I personally split them up in my article, but it works here as is. In my opinion, the resignation section might be better as a subheader in the career section. I love how you used a template for the awards section, it looks very nice and organized. Everything is very easy to read, nice job. Additionally, you do a great job maintaining a neutral tone with information that definitely riles me up!! Overall fantastic job, you should be very proud of yourself!!!

Grammar/edit suggestions

Sentence 2 of lead: "contributing" --> contributed

Last 2 sentences of lead: consider merging these to make one sentence

Sentence 1 of early life and education: I am a bit confused by the wording, his single mother had two other children? Or out of 3 other children he was the one who was adopted? Please consider revising to make it more understandable.

Last 2 sentences of first paragraph in early life and education section: consider merging the last two sentences, as the use of "Montana" twice is a bit repetitive.

First sentence of second paragraph in early life and education section: add "a" before Bachelor of Science

First sentence of second paragraph in career and health equity advocacy: "that suited not just the health needs" --> "that suited not only the health needs"

Last sentence of career and health advocacy: consider rearranging this sentence so that the subject comes first. It will flow better.

First sentence of resignation section: consider merging the first two sentences, maybe something like "In November 2020, Dr. Danielson resigned from his position as senior medical director of Odessa Brown's Children's Clinic in the Seattle CHildren's Hospital in protest..." This way, the second sentence does not seem to repetitive as you already mentioned this in the previous section.

Last sentence in the last paragraph of resignation section: this is small but I think there are two spaces after "Ben Danielson is"