User:AFineDouglasFir/Synoecism/GooseJanus Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

AFineDouglasFir


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AFineDouglasFir/Synoecism?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Synoecism

Lead
I assume that the introduction is not present in the draft as you don't plan to edit it. Although I think it may be a good idea to add citations to the introduction as the page right now does not have single citation in the first section.

Good Idea in looking for an image that depicts synoecism.

About the topic of the intro paragraph, you may have to update it to encompass or gesture at the topics that you are bringing up, as it stands now your topics are brought up in the intro. Maybe a sentence that states that Synoecism happens frequently throughout Greek history would help ease the reader into the rest of the page.

Content
For the first paragraph it may be prudent to make the first sections include something about synoecism, Because it takes a couple of sentences before synoecism is mentioned a reader may be thinking as to why you bringing up what you are. A sentence such as "the first example of Synoecism..." or something along those lines would help the reader be strung along through the paragraph as it demonstrates the importance of Synoecism in Crete.

Renaming the first section to "Synoecism In Archaic Greece" may be more clear. If you do plan on adding a section on the Myceneans, adding sub-headings "Crete" and then "Myceneans" would help break up the large paragraphs from one another.

Good addition of Platea.

Some topics would benefit from a preface. Something like "Synoecism's Effect on Greek Culture." But for each would help better represent each section.

Topics better represent the effects of Synoecism well, it gives great insight into the details of each aspect that was affected. It is a good approach to the article.

Tone and Balance/Sources and References
The tone is even and balanced. Not much to note here. There is not too much of slant, if anything it would be interesting to see if you can find anyone who thinks Synoecism wasn't as a large/important of a concept as it is generally believed to be, though that may be tough.

Some sections are absent of citations for large portions, The Delian League and Mytilenean Revolt sections are some examples. Make sure to cite even if you cite the same source only a couple of sentences later.

Organization
Some of content notes may be interpreted as organization as well. The main point being, better identify the topics of each section/paragraph and how it relates to Synoecism. The body of each paragraph does do a good job at explaining the relationship though

The paragraphs are well-written great at giving background and displaying the effects of synoecism.

More section headers or sub-section headers would be nice. If not that then maybe splitting up larger paragraphs into two smaller ones.

Images and Media
It is probably difficult to find images, but I do like what you are planning to do with the initial picture.

A picture that shows what Aristotle is talking about in the Politics section would be nice, this same logic can be applied to other sections if you find it beneficial (a picture of the Olympics would be nice for example).