User:A Peresie/Jane Veeder/Aalmuk Peer Review

General info

 * user: A Peresie
 * User:A Peresie/Jane Veeder

Lead

 * "Veeder is best known for her pioneering work in early computer graphics, however she has also worked extensively with traditional art forms such as painting, ceramics, theatre, and Photography." this sentence could be restructured to put more weight on her computer graphics pioneering, and less weight on the traditional art forms, since those were less influential. Maybe omit using "however".
 * Jane Veeder should be introduced concisely and with engaging info in the beginning of the lead to hook the reader.

Tone and Balance
Some of the tone is not consistent. Your edits are good and neutral.

It would be helpful to keep a single through-line in the article and maintain the neutral tone and provide helpful and engaging information.

Certain sections have an imbalance due to redundancy. As suggested in my copy-edit, the Collaborative Work, and Solo Work sections need grammatical edits to omit redundancy.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * link 1 in references does leads to an invalid/outdated site.
 * some of the references are from Jane Veeder's own website, which is not a secondary source.

Organization
I would suggest leaving in a few of the details in the Videotape Presentations, Live Video, and Computer Graphics Performances, Workshops, and/or Any Useful Format of Collaboration edit, but your edit is strong and concise, it would just benefit from having a little point of interesting detail.

Images and Media
If possible, it would be really beneficial to include imagery, since Veeder's work is so influential and visually characteristic.