User:AbiL7/Educational interventions for first-generation students/Manorhe18 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Abigail Lomibao - AbiL7


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AbiL7/Educational_interventions_for_first-generation_students?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Educational interventions for first-generation students

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

The firs paragraph has a good neutral tone as well as a diversity of supporting evidence- I think this is a good overall addition to the article. The second paragraph is a bit too focused on the specific org of Minds Matter and takes away from the neutral and unbiased tone of the rest of the article. I think it would make sense to either add in more examples or be able to generalize Mind's Matters activities to a more broader umbrella of how non-profit college access programs work.

I think you should also update the Lead of the article to reflect these additional important changes of focusing on college access. It would also be helpful to see more citations in the second paragraph relating to how and why these programs exist, who is helped by it, where they exist, etc. and contextualizing the org. I'm sure you did this in the Needs Talk essay and can adapt to this.