User:Adesuwai/Mental health inequality/Natalieschindelheim Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Adesuwai


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Adesuwai/Mental_health_inequality?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Mental health inequality

Evaluate the drafted changes
I like that you are talking about adolescent mental health because this is a huge topic for teenagers. I think that the first two sentences in your paragraph are not necessary to be included in your article. They are your opinion and not facts, which is what wikipedia is supposed to be. I would just take out the first two sentences and then I think that this paragraph is very good. If you wanted to include another paragraph you could maybe talk about older people and mental health.