User:Adg21a/Basking in reflected glory/Ses21f Peer Review

General info
User:Adg21a/Basking in reflected glory
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 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Adg21a/Basking in reflected glory
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Fantasy sports: The updates to this section of the author's sandbox are good. The additional source they contributed is effective in illustrating the physiological effects of BIRGing.

Nationalism in Different Games: I think I would edit the leading sentence to "Nationalism in BIRDing...," to add specificity and refer back to the subject matter. The explanation, and examples such as FIFA and the Olympics, are relevant and strong examples to source back to.

Significance of Pronoun Usage: Explanation or reference to "Cutting of Reflective Failure" needed. Otherwise, this author does effectively explain how pronouns are influential in BIRGing. Link to CORFing needed as well.

Determining Target Audience: This paragraph as a whole is informal and needs a change in diction. Remove "you see plenty of commercials where a group of male friends are on the couch with a beer watching Saturday NFL football." This is informal and subjective (not everyone is American, etc.). If there was a specific example of a target audience being geared teared towards mne, the author should make a reference to audiences actually being geared towards watching NFL on Saturday. This should be applied towards the topic of women as a target audience as well.

Betting: References needed. Where are you getting this information from? Removed "Betting on professional sports has become very popular recently." The points of the section as effective and relevant, but all need sources/citations, and omission of second-person.

Heading Ideas: "Sports as a whole" seems vague. Other topics aren promising and make sense relating to BIRGing and Basking in Reflected Glory.