User:Aemoe85/State violence/Grackle.cackle Peer Review

General info
Aemoe85
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Aemoe85/State violence
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):State violence

Lead
I like your addition to the lead-- it makes sense and adds information to the main article. It also provides a solid outline of the content you intend to add to the article. Maybe in the lead, you might reference all of the sub topics you intend to add?

Content
Love where you're taking the article, it definitely addresses equity gaps. Curious about maybe adding in a sub-section about poverty as well? as a form of state violence.

I would also recommend maybe zooming the lens out to be a little less U.S.-centric and examining forms of state violence that are more common to other contexts, like what you mentioned about Israel. The Arab spring comes to mind. State-sponsored genocides. internment camps and the like. Ethnocides and instances of cultural suppression (boarding schools, language suppression, etc)-- this would all fit pretty neatly under colonialism. Surveillance. State responses to indigenous or minority sovereignty movements. taxation (that one is maybe controversial, or considered differently in different contexts)? Corporal punishment in state institutions or as punishment for crimes. Ooooh, union busting too: like, states sending out their military peeps to bust strikes. Since your chosen article is basically a stub (right, i think i'm using that word correctly) the world is kinda your oyster which is cool.

Tone and Balance
It feels hard to provide feedback about this with the current state of the draft, but maybe initially i'd recommend adopting as global of a perspective as possible?

Sources and References
The link for reference #4 is broken

beyond that, i'd just recommend continuing to build your bibliography.

Organization
You have a few typos in your lead section. The organizational layout you've provided so far looks good. There's a few places where I think the nesting order might be backward (e.g. i think police brutality would go under prison industrial complex and not vice versa? or maybe it would all go under something like 'judicial violence and policing')

Overall impressions
Excited to see where you go with this. Mostly just the obvious feedback-- continue fleshing out the material, adding to the bib, checking for typos. Expanding focus to be as global as possible.

Thank you for your feedback. Adding poverty is a great idea. As much as I love the other ideas that you gave, I'm trying to focus on maybe three or so as to not get overwhelmed. Turns out that adding to a stub comes with its own unique challenges. lol -Aemoe85

Thank you for your feedback. I think you have presented several great ideas. Honestly we probably have too many headings as is. I agree we need to take a look at the organization of our headings and subheading. Good catch on the typos and broken links. Thanks again -Skyjay999