User:Aiqin314/Oregon Iron Company Furnace/StaceySmithOSU Peer Review

Prof. Smith comments on first Wikipedia article draft
Hi Angela,

I'm putting my comments on your Wikipedia first draft here. These are improvements that I would like to see to the article.

Lead

I would take out the sentence about water disputes and move it down somewhere else in the body of the article. That seems like a secondary detail rather than something that should be in the lead (which is mostly to establish the major basic information). I think you could also condense the last sentence. You have already said that the furnace is in George Rogers Park, so I would take out that repetition and just keep the part about the oldest industrial landmark in Oregon.

Content

The first sentence of the main body is somewhat awkward. I would rewrite to something like:

"Before 1862, the majority of Oregon's iron came from the East Coast of the United States. Due to the long and difficult journey, ...." Then, go ahead and talk about Aaron Olds.

Who was Aaron Olds and did he own the land on which iron deposits were found? Did he discover the iron and then build the forge to take advantage of the deposits? Was Henry D. Green a business partner of Olds or a competitor who moved in?

Can you explain the role of water and water rights in iron production? Most readers aren't going to understand the connections and why water is important for industrial production.

What is a furnace and what is it used for in iron production? Again, most of your readers aren't going to know how iron is made. You don't have to go into a bunch of technical detail here, but at least explain that furnaces are usually for melting down and refining iron ore.

I think you need one more subheading under the main body of your article. This is not only a requirement of the assignment; it's also a good idea for content development in this case. I think you need a subheading that is focused just on this particular furnace itself with a subheading like "Architecture and Significance." Under this heading is where I would put the information about the construction and architecture of the furnace. Then, include more specific information about this particular furnace if you can. Was this one built in 1866? What changes has it undergone? When and why was it renovated? Why did it get placed on the National Register (what was the rationale for the petition--its industrial significance)? What role does the furnace play in the park? Is it a centerpiece of the landscaping? Does it have an interpretative plaque?

Style

Check the punctuation and spelling of the park name throughout. Is it George Rogers' Park or George Rogers Park?

References

These looked great!