User:Aiyuri/Necrophilia/BigelowC Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Aiyuri


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Aiyuri/Necrophilia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Necrophilia

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * 1) The extra information you included for Jeffrey Dahmer is excellent, and really adds to the current paragraph. Adding a reference after the last sentence would help so one knows where those extra facts came from.
 * 2) "Before drugging and strangling his victims, Dahmer would engage in sexual acts with the corpses before disposing of the bodies" This sentence doesn't make sense because it implies he engaged in sexual acts before killing the victims, but the second half of the sentence utilizes the word "corpse," implying they're dead.
 * 3) The Karen Greenlee information is very engaging and appears to be factual, but lacks references.
 * 4) "Following the death of his grandfather and his mother's explanation that the dead are in a "better place," Nilsen developed an association between death and intimacy, later finding posing as a corpse a source of sexual arousal."
 * 5) This sentence could flow just a little bit better. Perhaps "Following the death of his grandfather and his mother's explanation that the dead are in a "better place," Nilsen developed an association between death and intimacy. This association led Nilsen to achieve sexual arousal by posing as a corpse himself."
 * 6) The entire Nilsen section is lacking references. I suggest copying them from your probable reference page to your sandbox as well.
 * 7) https://vault.fbi.gov/Ted%20Bundy%20 has information on Ted Bundy's case. This could be a reference that helps to add more information to the Ted Bundy case study.
 * 8) Adding an Edmund Kemper case study would add another high profile case to extend the article.
 * 9) The Ted Bundy case study could use a little bit more background to really show what he was.
 * 10) To conclude each case study, I think adding the final sentencing or what happened to each person in the end would be a great way to conclude each one.
 * 11) I believe that adding images that help put a face to the notorious names, would really add a lot to your article.