User:Akbugday/Climate change in egypt/M.K. Jasper Peer Review

General info
Akbugday/Climate change in egypt
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Akbugday/Climate change in egypt
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Climate change in Egypt

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * The lead is applicable to the points of the article and stresses the importance of how climate change impacts Egypt's agriculture.
 * The lead also touches on each of the sections of the article in a way that introduces the reader to the ideas.
 * All of the data is up to date with the earliest coming from around 2020. It also includes future data projections.
 * The agriculture section is a little bit repetitive. The section often repeated that climate change exacerbates agricultural problems. While this is an important point, it might be better to stress this idea with one really strong sentence.
 * Change the quote following the quote at the end of the agriculture section.
 * Maybe connect the agriculture and Nile River sections by reiterating how all of the agriculture in Egypt surrounds the Nile since Egypt receives such little rainfall.
 * Are there any accounts of climate change causing the Nile's flow to decrease? In prior paragraphs, it said that the northern region will experience more droughts. Would this mean that the southern parts of the Nile might experience floods while the northern sections experience more droughts?
 * What is the reason for child mortality from water scarcity? Does it connect to the last two sentences in this section? If so, it might be more clear to reorganize this part so that they are together.
 * The sea level rise section could use an intro sentence.
 * Put a numerical impact from climate change on the ceramic industry if possible.
 * What other vulnerable and underrepresented groups are there other than children?
 * The mitigation and adaptation sections are clear and work well.
 * Could the talk about COP27 be furthered with some updates from COP28?
 * There are some typos and grammatical errors throughout the article.