User:Akbugday/Climate change in iran/Bingus2124 Peer Review

General info
Figaro2002, and Al-Farooq Aminu
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Akbugday/Climate change in iran
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Climate change in Iran

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Overall I thought your first draft is fantastic, it is full of facts that unbiasedly present the effects of climate change in Iran. The writing style was very neutral and did not seem to be persuading me into thinking anything. It was also really well research and organized. My few points where you could change are among some wordy sentences, some objective details and a couple places you guys could add a few more details to elucidate the reader. I also think your article to benefit in utilizing an organizational system that has a couple of major categories with subsections as it is simply easier to follow and highlights your main points better.

Following are a couple of my main constructive criticisms of your guys' article:

- "multiple serious health and economic risks related to dust storms and defertilization of land." What are the health risks?

- Presenting statistics with such a large degree of variance is somewhat misleading for the reader to the actual impacts I think. Although showing the variance is the most accurate in presenting the data and also represents the how much we still do not know about the results of climate change, I found it quite confusing it did not understand that if the smaller statistic did happen rather than the larger one, maybe climate change is less significant, which is clearly not the case, maybe lead with the larger statistic first. This is largely nit-picky and a matter of opinion.

- The mitigation section is great! I think that maybe it would make the article even better if you added a couple more things Iran has been flirting with to mitigate climate change, if you were able to find any. I also think that the society and political section could be expanded as Iran has such a unique government structure that has been waning due to climate change and he attitudes of ctizenry changing.

"The impacts from climate change on Iranian health necessitates policies and frameworks for mitigation and adaptation to lessen the impact on health" This sentence is a bit hard to understand/ wordy.

- The whole final third paragraph of the adaptation section I think could better fit in a Impacts on Health subsection, under your main climate change affects section.

- The bilbliography is extensive and vibrant with a wide range of sources from governmental, ngos, journals, news articles, etc. I would say maybe get a few more sources for the overall facts regarding Iran and how climate change is affecting it, as now it seems there is one or two that are repeated a couple times.

amazing job!