User:Alanakay13/Deaf Gain/Aylee12345 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Alanakay13


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Alanakay13/Deaf Gain


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Does not exist. The current article is called "Deaf Culture"
 * Deaf culture

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

I think the Lead/intro paragraph was perfectly concise and clear. It outlined the different parts of the article that will be mentioned later. I got a clear understanding of Deaf Gain from the lead itself.

Content:

This topic covers one of Wikipedia's equity gaps. It could be hard to talk about a "gain" of a group of people while keeping a neutral tone. I think the article contains words like 'totally' or 'actually be beneficial to the society' which could be considered positive tone and so it becomes iffy. I think with more resources you could add more information while keeping neutral tone and some sentences could be rewritten to exclude those charged words.

However, for a new article topic I think this is a great article. The map was a great addition as it was both visually helpful as well as historically relevant. I would continue the research and include a couple more article resources (maybe at least 8 total).

There were grammatical errors that could be changed. I've listed a couple below but there were more that I did not mention:


 * "Being deaf actually can be beneficial to the society. The deaf culture has many things to teach people from other cultures. The main example is visual. Deaf people developed and adapted the sign language due to their visual mainly.
 * grammatical error: i think you meant to write vision instead of visual.


 * "Around 1950s, it had been proven wrong. It is all in brain cognition."
 * it is not clearly defined making the second sentence seem incomplete


 * "It is never easy for other hearing people to communicate with other hearing people with different language especially when they are traveling other countries."
 * this sentence doesnt seem neutral and could be rewritten to be more neutral. also I would change it to say 'traveling to foreign countries.'


 * "They are so used to interact with hearing people for the most of the time of their life. They learned to how to communicate in a different method than their own language."
 * Change to 'they are so familiar with/used to interactING with hearing people for the majority of their lives." Wording is a bit awkward and grammar could be improved.


 * "“Deaf culture possesses all those features universal to being human.” Martha's Vineyard mapThrough the cultural lens, the Deaf community does not view their deafness as a loss but an identity. "
 * Who said this quote? This quote needs a citation. also the part about martha's vineyard seems to be misplaced--perhaps a typo.