User:Alc306/Discrimination against people with HIV/AIDS/SarahLalevee Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

The first few sections are notably missing any citations, which I'm sure you're aware of.

Discriminatory practices in health-care settings:

"Discriminatory practices within the medical field have greatly impacted the health outcomes of HIV-positive individuals." From my understanding, you should consider rephrasing this to read more as "have been found to impact..." which implies there have been studies that have shown this but not necessarily a widely known conclusion. You clearly follow this up with the evidence which is awesome but I believe in Wiki you are supposed to deal with this more of a review of evidence than drawing conclusions based on evidence.

Similarly, these two sentences may need a few words that are less of your conclusion drawn and more showing that this is the evidence you have found: "Overall, this perpetuation of HIV stigma has been detrimental to the health outcomes of HIV-positive individuals, as patients who begin treatment late in the progression of HIV have a 1.94 times greater risk of mortality in comparison to those who start treatment at the onset of diagnosis. Therefore, delayed HIV treatment due to fears of discrimination can have fatal consequences."

Wow the blood donation part is so important and so interesting, I am glad this has been included because this is ludicrous.

Overall, I think you follow the wiki guidelines really well and add notable and insightful edits to the page. I particularly commend your use of linking other wiki pages to your edits.