User:Aleksander Ramirez/French colonial empire/CalWilNyc Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Aleksander Ramirez


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Aleksander Ramirez/French colonial empire


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * French colonial empire

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead


 * 1) None, but your article already has one! You can definitely slightly improve the lead by adding tidbits of your content into the existing lead.

Content


 * 1) Super cool that you've dedicated so much time to the pre-(African)colonial history of French intervention. Sets a really good baseline for the rest of your article.
 * 2) However, there is not much emphasis on the African history of the French colonial empire. Be sure to add to that
 * 3) Don't think you need the part about Akbal, doesn't relate much to your article
 * 4) I think you could make your article more accessible but making your diction more colloquial.


 * 1) Content is neutral, I would make sure to cite "As time passed, another primary goal of initial French colonization became the creation of ports to facilitate the trans-Atlantic slave trade." this part however. I'm not saying you're wrong. But, as a Frenchman, i know this is heavily-debated (though it is true) so be sure to cite it.
 * 2) Excited to see what you add in the next draft.

Tone and balance

- No major issues here, written mostly objectively

- However, this needs to be reworded: "Away from the coastal areas, French penetration was very slow and production was not very important." change the word "penetration" and you need to elaborate on production further. I don't think you can get away with it being "slow and not very important". Why? According to whom?

- Include African sources if and when possible.

Sources and References


 * 1) Well done with your sources! it seems like you've dedicated serious times to finding quality article
 * 2) You need sources for second paragraph
 * 3) INclude African voices if you can
 * 4) See the bottom for some sources I recommend

Organization:

- Capitalization and conventions are a little disorganized, completely understandable since it's a first draft.

- I won't take the time to edit all of those rn:) but would be happy to do it at a later date if that's what you'd like

- There should be two different sections for Africa and Asia

- You could also include different subsections for time periods- would make it more digestible

*******- "The French expansion emanated from this first colony in St. Louis into the rest of what is now, modern day, Senegal and Sudan."

I wonder if you are mistaking Sudan for "soudan français" (French Sudan) which is Mali. The country known as Sudan right now had very little (if not 0) French presence. ******

Overall:

Super relevant, I can see that you will make meaningful improvements to the current article! :))

Still a lot of content to add but that will all happen with time

- Would focus on developing sections related to 20th century French colonial rule (see sources below if you'd like)

You might not even have to explain each country on a country-by-country basis, you could have a general paragraph maybe? Check with Prof. Wellman

Great job!

Here are some sources I recommend!

Raffael Scheck, “French African Soldiers in German POW Camps, 1940 – 1945” in Judith

A. Byfield, et al. (eds.) Africa and World War II (Cambridge University Press, 2015): 420– 440.

Raymond Dumett, “Africa's Strategic Minerals During the Second World War” Journal of

African History, Vol. 26, No. 4 (1985), pp. 381-408.

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/international-organization/article/continuity-or-change-indirect-rule-in-british-and-french-colonial-africa/E50B6590C8868F4A1C2D56E2A232F8DD https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-african-history/article/circle-of-iron-african-colonial-employees-and-the-interpretation-of-colonial-rule-in-french-west-africa/90C38174DBAACE844071766BC8DC6D8B