User:Alesliemir/Femicide in Mexico/Sean831 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Alesliemir


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Alesliemir/Femicide_in_Mexico?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Femicide in Mexico

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hey Leslie, reading your draft was very informative and I think this is an important topic that should be brought to people's attention. In order to do so I have a few points that may help you reach your audience better. I put some sentences in parenthesis for you to consider if you want to change it. Reading the risk factor paragraph I would encourage to elaborate on exactly how are indigenous women are vulnerable to these hate crimes in a different way because that one sentence is kinda abrupt and stunts the flow of the paragraph. A transition sentence between the comparison of mortality rates of women in different economic class and how geography would also help your readers see the connection between your points.