User:AlexGorton/Baseball broadcasting firsts/Baldvegan123 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

AlexGorton


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AlexGorton/Baseball_broadcasting_firsts?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Baseball broadcasting firsts

Evaluate the drafted changes
Content

The content added was relevant to the topic there is also no content missing, there is content added. I like the added section on the 1920s, since in the original article the information starts off in the 1930s.

Tone and Balance

The content added is neutral considering there are no sides within the topic, due to the fact it is simply talking about facts about baseball and the history of it, there is no picking sides or debate going on in the article.

Sources and References

Find one or two more sources other than the three already there. The one source is from 2013 which is not as up to date as would be preferable, so maybe try finding a more up to date source with the same information on it.

Organization

The content has some grammatical errors and sentences that can be worded slightly different.

In the first paragraph about the 1920s I think the first few sentences should be worded slightly different. Maybe something like "On August 5, 1921, the first Major League Baseball game was broadcasted on the radio by Harold Arlin. Harold Arlin is..." Then give a brief introduction of who he is and why he was the one broadcasting this event.

In the paragraph about the 1940s, try changing that first sentence as well so that it has a better flow to it. When I first read it, I had to reread a second time to understand what exactly you were trying to say. "By 1947, television sets were selling almost as fast as they could be produced in all the cities that had television stations."

Overall Impressions

The strengths of the added content include adding new information that was not already in the article. The weakness would be the flow of the words in each paragraph, some sentences just need to be adjusted so that they flow easier when the reader is reading them. Some of the sentences need to be reread currently when going through the article.