User:Alex Winetrout/History of women in the United States/Apeoples7 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?  Alex Winetrout - Women's Exercise in the United States in the 20th Century
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Alex_Winetrout/History_of_women_in_the_United_States
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Alex_Winetrout/History_of_women_in_the_United_States

Evaluate the drafted changes
General: I think that you have currently looks good, but it everything feels very separate. I do not know if that makes sense. I do not understand your formatting of information. It is a whole new section or are you adding the sentences to existing sections?

Content: I like the subjects you have brought up and I think they would will be valuable points in the article!! The subject in general I think in valuable to the existing article.

Tone: It feels kind of neutral, but there are some word choices that without more citations read as if you stating your opinion.

Example: "menacing question" - why is it menacing? Did Verbrugge say this, are you saying this?

Example: "This is a rich period for a discussion of changing gender roles" - Did Rockwell say or put forth this idea? If so I would change it to something more like Rockwell, in -- article states that that was a rich period for a discussion of changing gender roles. It sounds more neural and clarifying it comes from the later citation.

Citations: Only three citation in current work, depending on how much information is being adding this might be ok. But I think this is a area of subject that has a lot of information out there.

For example you could bring in the fact that for a long time women went skiing, biking, running, all in corsets. There are so many photos of fancy women skiing, in corsets which might allow you to bring in a photo! I linked some sources from another class that talked about this subject. ( https://scholarblogs.emory.edu/historyofskiing/2023/04/30/liberating-women-and-their-legs-female-ski-fashions-shift-to-pants-in-the-early-20th-century/ ) (Kay, Joyce. “‘No Time for Recreations till the Vote Is Won’? Suffrage Activists and Leisure in Edwardian Britain.” Women’s history review 16, no. 4 (2007): 535–553.)

Article body: Is each sentence going into a different section of the article? I do not understand their connection to one another. They are all interesting points, and I think just need more surrounding information to tie them together if that is the plan.

The Gilded Age: I am a little confused about how Dr. Edward Clarke connects to the other paragraph in this section and to the Gilded Age. I think the point is interesting and relevant to the overall article.

"Mark Twain dubbed the late nineteenth century the Gilded Age for the prosperity that brought conspicuous displays of wealth while masking the problems that the consolidation of capitalism created." I would add a citation to this remark from Mark Twin or when/where he said this. A easy citation that allows the reader to go find it.

Comments: There is individual sentences/small paragraphs of important details will add important ideas into the article.

Organization: Everything feels like a small separate point, but that might be because you are adding them to different sections. But I would indicate that somehow.