User:Alexabowers/Philosophical zombie/MaxiiBoii Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Dparisien01, KAlszko, Willraschkowan


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Alexabowers/Philosophical zombie


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Philosophical zombie

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

The lead itself has received no modifications so far. The lead has a good introductory sentence, but it could be a lot more concise. After introducing the subject, the lead goes to explain some information about the subject (mainly in the second paragraph) and it feels like this information should be found elsewhere than in the lead section.

Content:

The content added is relevant to the topic, but could be worded/described in a more effective way. Some syntax mistakes were found.

Tone and balance:

The content added is neutral, giving different point of views to the philosophical zombie argument and the information added about it.

Sources and references:

Some of the information added is from Amy Kind's book seen in class, but it has not been listed in the bibliography, which is a big problem.

Organization:

The content added is not very well written and it hinders the understanding of it. Some sentences are also very long and should probably be divided into multiple sentences to help the reader understand the content better.

Overall impression:

The information added does add some value to the article, but it should be phrased better to feel more thought of and to make it easier to understand. The references used for the information should also be cited.