User:Alexis Lhotka/Seiko Hashimoto/AlyssaKayS Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Alexis Lhotka and Hitomi1252


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Editing User:Alexis Lhotka/Seiko Hashimoto - Wikipedia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Seiko Hashimoto - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead- The lead is very short and fragmented. I believe it might add to the article, but maybe you should spend more time on it and make it a little longer and well defined. Content- There definitely was content, but the actual article is very short. It was very informational and technical and it will double size of the article, but maybe you could make it just a little longer. Tone and Balance- I thought the tone and balance was good, but I thought the part about hugging and kissing was inappropriate and scandalous. I think the part about her relationships should be left out. Sources- I thought your sources were good. Organization- I think the organization can do better. The sentences were fragmented and the sentences were unconnected. Overall- The lead could do better. The arrangement could do better. It is rather short maybe you should make it longer, but altogether very nice information. Good work!