User:Alexis Lhotka/Seiko Hashimoto/Thesi043 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)

Thesi043 reviewing Alexis and Seiko


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Alexis%20Lhotka/Seiko_Hashimoto?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seiko_Hashimoto

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Thesi043: For your bibliography - All links work and the references part looks great. The bibliography looks great and I like how there are article explanations or points for the Japanese sources. All of these sources seem relevant to the topic and not out of date. For your draft article - I’m not sure where exactly you will be adding the new information for the Lead, but I’d think the ‘seven time Olympian’ would go great after ‘Summer Olympics from 1988 to 1996’. For the ‘Mother of six children while working in politics and other leadership positions”, it might make more sense to make it only ‘and a mother of six children’ right after ‘track cyclist’ in the first sentence as it already states that she is a Japanese politician. For Early Life, since there is a lot of information about her father and her upbringing because of him, it might be better to add a subheading under ‘Early Life’, possibly titled ‘Fathers Influence’ or something like that, and talk there about her fathers influence and discipline. It is a lot of great information, but the ‘What he particularly hated was that she lied to herself’ should either be elaborated on more or taken away. For Athletic Career, I am not sure what the approach is, as in if you will be replacing the existing section with this paragraph or adding this as an addition. If it is an addition, it may seem a little repetitive within the two paragraphs. For Family Life, the section of ‘Fertility treatments’ is interesting, but I don’t know how relative it is to this section besides that she received some herself. Political Career, I think this is all great information to add to this section. Olympic Leadership, I think this is also good information to add to this section, but some wording seems a little off, so I would recommend rereading the paragraphs! Great work you two!