User:Alichtwa/Moabite language/Wii sports resort cycling olympian Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Alichtwa


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Alichtwa/Moabite_language?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Moabite language

Evaluate the drafted changes
So far, I think this is a great draft to update the Moabite language article with comprehensive, new information that was previously lacking. Here are my suggestions:


 * In the original article, the Lead section and the remaining content are merged into one big, unorganized section. I noticed in your draft that you have done a great job of better distributing information about Moabite into separate sections about history, grammar, isogloss, and controversy surrounding the Moabite language. These new sections make the new information a lot more easily consumable.
 * You may have already been planning on doing this, but I didn't see it incorporated into your draft article--I think it is worth keeping just the first paragraph of the original article as your new Lead, then relegating the rest of the existing information into your new history section. This will make for a more concise beginning to your article.
 * A strength of your draft is that you have found and incorporated many quality academic sources about this language from a wide range of scholars, so well done! As a result, you have contributed a lot of good information about grammar, related languages, and the study of the Moabite language.
 * Remember to move your sources out of the "Grammar" section and put them with the rest of your references at the bottom once you publish your drafted changes.
 * Just a couple notes about writing style:
 * In your "Controversy" section, I think writing that "Van Zyl claims that the strokes are used to divide 'clauses'" might be more clarifying than simply writing "they."
 * In general, some of the longer sentences in your draft may benefit from being divided into two shorter sentences for easier readability.
 * In the last sentence of your numerals section, I recommend adding a comma and a space, like so: This is seen in KAI’s line 17: “ymh.wḥṣy.ymy.bnh.’rb’nšt,” meaning “his days and half the days of his son, for forty years."