User:AliviahLelii/Child mortality/KamiEHornberger Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) AliviahLeliie


 * Link to draft you're reviewing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AliviahLelii/Child_mortality?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Child mortality
 * Child mortality

Evaluate the drafted changes
Towards the end of the draft I had noticed that you capitalized 'who' when only the W should be capitalized.

I like all the information you have listed, and it all seems accurate but it just feels too cluttered, especially with all of the numbers. ex. "123." Maybe attempt to space it out some? If possible of course. This seems very encyclopedic, to me at least. You didn't use the use of "I" or putting things in your own context.

The very last sentence you started with "Of," try changing it to something else rather than of.

Other than those small things, I think your draft is great.