User:Aljgm6/Tan Yunxian/Bdesmond01 Peer Review

General info
Aljgm6
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Aljgm6/Tan Yunxian - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Tan Yunxian - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
The drafted changes definitely need some work. The paragraph doesn't flow very well and there are a few run on sentences, the third sentence being the biggest issue. There are also some grammatical issues throughout the paragraph that I think are what is leading to the issues with the flow. The words "things" and "something" should be changed to the specific things you are talking about. If there is a link to an article of what Deities are, it should be added because there isn't any context to what that is. It needs more citations throughout the paragraph and not just at the end. The sentence at the end should be reworded and a reason should be given to why that was the case in this period because just throwing that in at the end of the paragraph doesn't seem very neutral.

I think that the content of the additions will be beneficial to the article, but it needs more specificity and a rework of the wording.

Looking at the article, I think you could add some information in the lead section. If there is anymore information on her life, I think it would be beneficial to add some information to that section.