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Adrian Braham Elton (born on 15 December 1971) is an English-Australian singer, songwriter, artist, poet, comedian, author, playwright and director… and that’s just on weekends. Elton came from humble beginnings. He was born in the UK in Cocknmouth Close, Surrey, the son of Howard Eltonovich, a first generation Jewish immigrant cat farmer and Yvonne a seamstress, domestic worker and occasional neurotic.

Originally African American, Elton would later become a white, pasty Caucasian after developing a rare skin condition from too much moonwalking as a teen.

The Elton family escaped from the UK to Melbourne Australia when Elton was just 3, fleeing the punk rock movement. “You call that music?” his father was quoted as saying.

Elton’s talent was obvious from his youth, but in those days masturbation as an artform was still in its infancy. In frustration, he turned his attention to singing and songwriting.

Over the course of his career, Elton would write and record over 1,000 songs, often moving his audience to tears. With the relentless pressure of performing came an addiction for buying musical instruments and recording equipment, a compulsion that would almost lead to financial ruin. After checking himself into the East Malvern Veterinary Clinic and Dog Washing Centre, Elton finally got clean. His prize collection of rare musical instruments can still be found on display at Cash Converters throughout the country.

Elton is most famous for his lewd flower arrangements and genital origami, drawing a huge fan base on Twitter and Facebook. He is also known as something of a pants man, due to his suave good looks and his huge collection of trousers.

Elton has publicly admitted that he has lusted after thousands of women over the years, both attainable and unattainable. From Pamela Anderson to Tamar Fraid, Elton has had a crack at just about everyone with a surprisingly decent strike rate. Further details of these relationships can be found on Elton’s Love Songs and Vitriolic Break-ups, Volumes 1-14.

Elton now lives in quiet seclusion with his long time sweetheart and fiancé Rachel Lowinger. Unconfirmed reports suggest that five children are on the way, probably to help drag his unconscious body home at night.