User:Alleiycaat/Marriage bar/Nikilopez1021 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Alleiycaat


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Marriage bar


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Marriage bar

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * Overall, I think you did a great job including examples and explaining what exactly the Marriage Bar entails.
 * I would maybe include some sort of a Lead section in order to be a little bit more organized!
 * I know you mentioned that middle class white women were mostly affected by marriage bars
 * Perhaps you could give a direct example of a case in which these women were affected - I always find that to be interesting to read and helpful to understand the concept!
 * I think it would be good to make the article all in one tense rather than having past and present tense within the article.
 * This can be done by using phrases such as "the article states..."


 * Remove cliches such as "fall under the umbrella term". Maybe reword to say something more along the lines of "both terms construct the known practices of the marriage bar"
 * Add "staff member" after "supplementary staff, rather than permanent"
 * Reword "to terminate more easily"
 * Reword the second to last sentence in the "Justification" section
 * Maybe add an image or two!
 * Great work!