User:AllisonStacho/Environmental impacts of animal agriculture/Juwanm Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

AllisonStacho


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:AllisonStacho/Environmental impacts of animal agriculture
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Environmental impacts of animal agriculture

Clarity
The writing is clear and detailed, and clearly discusses the subtopics edited with the addition of relevant information. I recommend adding 1-2 introductory sentences to mentioning ways the water resource section mentioning the general water consumption methods in agriculture. The aquatic section can be improved by completing the missing information tagged by previous authors. The paragraph added in this section improves the article by including a wider range of agricultural impacts on aquatic lives, which is great. Interesting information in the meat-reduction strategy section!

Structure
The overall outline of the article is organized and flows well. I recommend adding a few sentences introducing the sections from a general/global context. This can be followed by the present content which can be reorganized into an inverted-pyramid writing method. This means mentioning broader/global information first, and arranging following information based on specificity. For example, the water section discusses examples from the US and then mentions North America. A better flow of the section would be North America followed by the US (this is the section written by previous authors! Your paragraph is great!).

Balanced Coverage
Most of the sections mentioned examples from one or two global countries or regions, mostly North America (US) and Europe. I found your inclusion of new regions in each section very helpful. You can continue adding examples from different global regions as you are doing! It would also help to find information at more global contexts, and continental ones as well.

Neutrality
The writing is neutral and well written. It does not hold biasis or opinions and merely includes factual information from reliable publications.

Suggestions for Improvement
I appreciate the addition of information from different world regions, since the article initially limited its examples to North America. It would be helpful to restructure the sections into an inverted pyramid writing style, I found that following this method personally helped me tackle a similar problem I face with my article! Hopefully it can be of help for you too. Essentially rearrange the content to begin with the more general and global content into more specific content or examples (e.g. global context, then a continental  context, and finally a national context). You can look at the format of publications that cover global statuses and notice the pyramid style of writing. It would help with the flow and balance of the article content. Adding hyperlinks to unfamiliar terms can also help redirect the reader to other wikipedia articles for better understanding of the topic. Overall, I enjoyed the clarity of your writing and relevant addition of information! Actually enjoyed reading the article!