User:Almondblossoms1890/Entenza House/Msyer Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Almondblossoms1890, JoiaD20, Asheare2


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Almondblossoms1890/Entenza House


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Entenza House

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

I noticed you kept the first sentence of the intro, but it is a bit of a run-on sentence and I think you could improve it by dividing it into 2 sentences. I suggest ending it with Los Angeles and starting a new sentence with who it was designed by.

The proposed intro leaves out the part about the connection to the Eames house, which is important to keep in the lead section because you compare them later in your proposed structure and materials section. You should also keep the part about the National Register of Historic Places and could add a section at the end of the article explaining why it was added.

It would be helpful to link John Entenza’s Wikipedia article to his name like Ray Eames, Charles Eames, and Eero Saarinen’s are. If the pages are connected then people can learn more about him if they want, and it makes this article more discoverable.

The proposed article does a good job of keeping a neutral point of view by focusing on facts about the design of the house. You could add a section about the overall design style before these sections to provide a more general overview before diving into specific design details.

The inclusion of imagery of the house would really support the article and your descriptions of its design.

The sources listed are reliable, but the article would be stronger with the inclusion of more sources of more diverse types of media.