User:Almondmatcha/Armed conflict for control of the favelas in Greater Rio de Janeiro/Kdhartt Peer Review

General info
Maya Espinel
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Armed conflict for control of the favelas in Greater Rio de Janeiro - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
She plans on updating the lead section so it can be easier to read and for people to understand. One of her thoughts was this article was composed in Portuguese making it harder to read in English. She had strong editing ideas and also plans on deleting information currently on the article page. One of Maya's worries though was how much she could delete, but I provided my feedback with saying if the information is not substantial and she does not see any point of the information being there, especially after researching, she should definitely delete it if need be. The original article is extremely broad and is complicated to read and understand so she plans on adding more sections. Sections such as history on gangs and different criminal organizations so things are spaced out and it is easier to find the information readers need.

PEER REVIEW 2
We discussed taking out the entire second paragraph of the lead section. It doesn't really contribute much significance to the article and different information (by a scholarly source) could be input into the article that describes the conflict in Brazil better. With taking out the second paragraph, Maya can make the lead section stronger by expanding the lead of the article with information preceding 2006. Also, by giving a brief overview of the article will make the future edits easier as well as help the readers know what information they are about to get out of reading this article. Maya also mentioned during the first peer review about adding sections on the different criminal organizations so things are organized more clearly. She is going to write a couple of sentences that get the general idea of the gang or criminal organization then link the full Wikipedia article on that organization. I think this is an amazing idea because it allows readers to come to one page to gather all the information they need but also gives them the option to learn more if they feel so inclined. So far, her proposed ideas and information seem amazing in terms of neutrality and precision. The current article is not very clear (which I mentioned in the first peer review) and I believe with all the sections she plans on adding will make it a much stronger article.