User:Alyssadebragga/Original Starbucks/Ryan Phang Peer Review

General info
Alyssadebragga
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Alyssadebragga/Original Starbucks
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Original Starbucks

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Alyssa,

Overall I found the additions to the article to be substantive. However there are a fair amount of areas you could improve this article in. First off, the opening date should be added to the year it was opened, it feels out of place as a stand alone sentence. Further the date needs a source; in fact all of the additions to the article that you wrote need a source, as you do not have a single added citation. For example, your statement of store size and running by one employee needs a source. Further I feel like it is irrelevant information to point out that modern Starbucks have more than one employee, this feels like common sense knowledge, it is also just irrelevant to the article. It also feels irrelevant to say that the store has, "many aspects of the shop that it had when it first opened up" and if you wanted to talk about store décor, you could add a section on it or maybe find pictures to compare from the store opening to the current décor, maybe including renovation history. The last paragraph needs a citation. Further, although the additions are neutral in tone, it reads like review or description of the store and adds no real detail that could not be found in a simple image of the store or a visit to the store. Including volume of visitors per year, or listing the original owner's names, or frankly anything else, could add to the usefulness of the article additions. Overall it is a good start to the article additions, but it definitely needs work.