User:Amandapadowicz

1 "Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" "I couldn't lift the table."

2 If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you

3 Illiterate?... Write for FREE HELP!

4 "But I don't like the cat." Shut up and eat your dinner!

5 There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep

6 There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you

7 A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

8 Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

9 Where did you get those big eyes?""They came with the face."

10 But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

11 It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

12 Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

13 There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead

14 Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.

15 Outside a secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

16 Sign warning of quicksand:QUICKSAND.ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL

17 Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

18 Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life 13 The family that sticks together should bathe more often