User:Amirjeudy/User:Matt Ndirangu/sandbox/Dmt2 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Matt Ndirangu


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Matt Ndirangu/sandbox


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Northern Command attacks (Ethiopia)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * 1) The lead has been expanded. The first sentence is: "The war in Tigray is had been an unseen sprawling conflict because the Ethiopian government had severed communications and locked out reporters from the region." This makes me think that the article is about the war in Tigray, not the northern command attack. You should explain what the northern command attack is and also correct the grammar in this sentence (is had been does not make sense). The lead seems to just provide context for the event and does not define northern command attacks. The last sentence is "This war has been criticized by the members of the international community and the United Nations investigators in particular have been at the forefront criticizing the Ethiopian government for the violation of Jus Cogen and Jus in bello, and the violation of specific treaties signed regarding human rights during war.", which relates to the war broadly, but makes no mention of the significance of the northern command attacks. The lead is concise, but should provide detail about the northern command attacks, when they were, and why they are significant.
 * 2) There is little new content added in the body of the article. "The United Nations and The United States, the two leading hegemonies will be seen invoking international law and at the same time criticizing Ethiopia for the conflict in order to promote universality in the international community when it comes to the engagement of war. The two have been pushing for the end of the conflict in order to legitimize and maintain their status quo in the international community. Sudan has been actively providing asylum for ethnic Tigrayans while providing them with arms to defend themselves in the conflict" is missing a citation. The content of the article does deal with an equity gap.
 * 3) There is no organization of this article. All citations should be at the bottom of the page. Citations 1,3,6,1 have no source attached. As there is little content added in places that are not the lead, there is little to say about what has been added. A suggestion for your body section is to have an origins section followed by an explanation of the key players involved, followed by what happened. Then, explain the international response and the treaties violated and the impacts of these attacks.
 * 4) The content added is neutral.
 * 5) The sources are not thorough. "There have been numerous atrocities committed by the Ethiopian and Eritrean government against Ethiopian citizens living in the region of Tigray and the conflict has called for action in the international community to provide humanitarian efforts with incentives to save lives in the nothern region of Ethiopia. This war has been criticized by the members of the international community and the United Nations investigators in particular have been at the forefront criticizing the Ethiopian government for the violation of Jus Cogen and Jus in bello, and the violation of specific treaties signed regarding human rights during war." is not cited. Every sources is from a news media. You need 5 peer reviewed articles and 2 African-based sources.
 * 6) The content is not organized. I suggest you organize based on my comment in point 3.
 * 7) The quality of the article has not improved. You need more sources (especially peer-reviewed ones). You need to define northern command attacks. You should elaborate more on key players involved and key events. See my comments in point 3.