User:Amrae43/Onchocerciasis/M.kal54 Peer Review

General info
Amrae43
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Amrae43/Onchocerciasis - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Onchocerciasis - Wikipedia

Lead
- In the last paragraph of the lead, are there any years associated with the first few statistics? It is important that the audience knows how relevant those numbers are. ~Audrey

Causes

 * It is good that you included a lot more information about the causes, since there was not much in the lead paragraph.
 * The word "enter" should be changed to "enters"
 * You should spell out the number 3. ie: "three"
 * Maybe elaborate on the other bodily fluids the worms get their nutrients from
 * Both of your sources seem really good and trustworthy!

Epidemiology

 * Is this information going at the bottom of the epidemiology section?
 * I like how you listed the top cities
 * Maybe you could include a statistic about the top cities if one is available
 * Seems like good sources!
 * What does CDTI stand for?
 * The first two sentences of the second paragraph are basically the same, so maybe you could condense it into one sentence
 * I like how you included both a positive thing and a negative thing to balance it out.

Prevention (Elimination)

 * I like how you listed the countries, since the original information was not very clear. The original article did not say where the countries were located, or when the peak was.
 * I like how you really updated the information and included the years of when things happened.
 * I don't think your sources were linked properly in your sandbox, so make sure they work before you upload your work!
 * For the recommended protection measures, could you mention who recommended it? This was the audience know it is a trustworthy fact.
 * Overall, you did a really good job re-working and added to what was previously written!

Signs and Symptoms

 * I really like how you used more recent statistics; it makes the article more relevant!
 * The language you used is great and makes it easy to understand, especially to those who are not familiar with this topic
 * I am not sure where in this section you are putting your information, but if it going to be the first part, I would recommend changing the lead of your paragraph, since it is very catchy. If it is going in the middle of the section, I think it is fine to stay the way it is.
 * I like how you listed out the symptoms
 * Is there a reference for the skin symptoms? I noticed you have one for eye symptoms, but not skin

Diagnosis/Treatment

 * I like how you elaborated on the skin biopsy, so the audience knows more about it
 * You should spell out the numbers 3 and 5
 * Could you describe where the upper dermis is?
 * Spell out the number 6
 * Insert a comma between "affected area" and "Microfilaria" in the last sentence
 * I think for the treatment, you could insert the sentences you have written into the information that is already there. Both your information and the previous information are very well-written, so combining them would be very beneficial.