User:Amulumudi/Navi Pillay/ValidWikiLuvr Peer Review

General info
(provide username) Amulumudi
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Amulumudi/Navi Pillay
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Navi Pillay

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Peer Review:
Lead:

The information provided in the first section is great and substantial, but too broad for her introduction. Some of the information within it is found within other subsections of her "Early life and education" section, so you could remove some of those pieces from the lead and leave them in this section. Elements such as the history of apartheid would be better placed in the section on her legal career. Otherwise, the information provided is strong and has relevance to her story as whole.

One typo exists in the second sentence, as the second clause should be treated as dependent, removing ",...she." A comma is needed in the second to last sentence of the first paragraph following "2015." In the third sentence of the second paragraph, "on" should be changed to "one." The second paragraph also lacks appropriate citations throughout and its information, especially pertaining to Harvard, can be consolidated, as it appears again later. In the last sentence of the third paragraph, a comma is needed after "2008." This sentence is also unclear, specifically "to come by." The first sentence of the last paragraph also does not need a comma. Lastly, the use of articles in the last sentence is inconsistent. It should be change to "the President to the International Commission..."

Content:

There are more comma issues and structural problems within the content. Otherwise, the content itself as a whole is successful in providing an unbiased approach to her life. Some missing citations were found under "Early childhood," and, potentially, some of this can be made more concise structurally and content-wise. More missing citations were found throughout, such as in the subsection "Under her own law firm," in which two of the sentences detailing the Harvard-South Africa Scholarship Program are combined. These also would require a citation and may not directly pertain to her life in her own law firm. Rather, it may be best to move this to the section on her education. Under "High Court of South Africa," there is a typo in the first sentence in the word "becoming." In the final sentence of this section, no comma is needed.

Tone/Balance:

Overall, I found your tone to be consistently unbiased throughout. I looked on the talk page of the current article and noticed that her article had experienced otherwise and appreciate your sensitivity to her character and personal beliefs. Though some of your work can be consolidated as mentioned prior, it is necessary to balance her page from its heavy weight on her controversies, which is a particularly sensitive section to curate.

References:

Overall, you need make sure that the intricate details of her personal life have the appropriate citations, otherwise they may be removed. Otherwise, your citations are very well-done and I found none which I think should be replaced.