User:Annamarkelin/Honeybee starvation/Acryan1 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Annamarkelin


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Annamarkelin/Honeybee_starvation?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Honeybee starvation

Evaluate the drafted changes
the focus of the edits was in the background, the editor stated their decision was based on the lack of information in the article. the updates are from up to date sources, and the starvation of honey bees addresses some sort of equity gap in the mistreatment of honeybees, or otherwise the negative effects of farming on the planet and on other organisms.

The language of the updates seems flowery and perhaps slightly biased, but the nature of the topic is predisposed to a certain biased positions. The sources check out, and well organized to flow and reads easily.

Suggestions for future edits

Rewrite edits to be more impartial and more direct. for example, the first sentence reads like a popular article with a hook followed by information as opposed to the standard read of a wiki article, strictly factual.

Additionally, I see two sources- it would help to have two to three more thereafter to support your edits.

Additional source

Vaes, O., & Detrain, C. (2022). Colony specificity and starvation-driven changes in activity patterns of the red ant 0RW1S34RfeSDcfkexd09rT2myrmica rubra1RW1S34RfeSDcfkexd09rT2. PLoS One, 17(8) doi: https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0273087

This paper cecnters on red ants, a relatively closely related species. Although in a different model species, I think the information about colony dynamics and starvation of a similar type of animal.