User:Anne181625/Topaz/Houdarar13 Peer Review

General info
Saraellacott/Topaz/Houdarar13 Peer Review
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Saraellacott/Topaz/Houdarar13_Peer_Review?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Topaz
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Topaz
 * Topaz

Evaluate the drafted changes
Clarity

I think you did a good job in improving clarity.

 "Although it is often associated with golden yellow and blue, it comes in a variety of colors, including colorless.  The rarest are natural pinks, reds, and delicate golden oranges, sometimes with pink hues." A prime example of making it more clear. Less wordy and more concise. good job.

One criticism:

"Topaz is an accessory mineral to felsic igneous, sedimentary, and hydrothermal rocks"

Hydrothermal does not fall in the same categorization convention of igneous and sedimentary rocks. Perhaps include hydrothermally altered rocks. Maybe a reader not familiar with geology would think a hydrothermal rock is an actual naming convention. I know what you mean, but perhaps changing it to 'hydrothermally altered country rock'.

Sources

Excellent sources: Gemological institute of america, multitude of academic journals,

Very good textbook, Good Job!**Nesse, William D. (2017). Introduction to mineralogy (3rd ed.). New York Oxford: Oxford University

I know it wasn't you who added these sources;

But please verify this:

1) A ranch in Texas which claims you can go topaz hunting. Compared to all highly academic sources this one seemes less relialble. https://web.archive.org/web/20070117051633/http://www.masontxcoc.com/topaz.htm

Maybe considering sourcing info about topaz Occurence in Texas Somewhere more reliable.

Balanced Coverage

I think you choosing the mineralogical section was a greta choice as you gave a geological context of what the mineral is. The article was already saturated by historical and social significance of the mineral around the world.

Perhaps on top of the mineralogy part, you can add the genetic processes of what is thought to create topaz. why does it form in pegmatites? Is there a reason fluorine and not any other volatiles are in the Crystal lattice....

Also to have a even more balanced coverage perhaps create a small section on the economics of topaz. Does it have spot price or an open market, economics of synthetic vs natural? who are the companies in the space ? is it artisanal or large companies? Questions of these sort will help balance out the social meaning of topaz with the more science technical side.

Structure

Structure is good. Maybe consider moving the mineralogical section further up to beside etymology and history sections. Mineralogy is what defines the mineral its self so i think it is very important for the reader to understand what is it made out of and what differentiates it from commonly mistaken with quartz.

Add more pictures of all the different colours of topaz. Maybe add a picture of clear topaz being made into blue quartz is possible.

Neutrality

Very neutral. This topic by its nature does not have much controversial topics and does not provoke any debate. There was no moment when i was reading the article I had a feeling a certain idea or ambiance was trying to be rubbed on me. Perhaps add section or few sentences giving more acknowledgement to child labourers who go out to find these gemstones and then often sold at relatively low prices to jewelry manufacturers. This would shed more light on the ethics of gemstone mining.

Suggestions for improvement

1) Even though it is primarily a gemstone. It does have slight industrial uses which you mentioned. Perhaps add the part that it can be added as a flux for steel making. Especially beneficial because we learned about fluxes in week 6.

2) Important: November birthstone never mentioned.

3) Perhaps explain the different localities. Example brazil produces imperial topaz, pakistan purple, russia clear etc...

4) Include a brief explanation on why there are different colours

5) why are cavities filled up and why do they form in topaz?

Strength and weakness:

I think the strengths of Anne's paper is the organization, clarity and credibility of sources. The article flows well and makes sense to me as reader. None of the sections have any rambling and there position within the article (on the most part) logically make sense. Where Anne may improve, is further elaborating on industrial uses of topaz. Anne may further elaborate on mining methods and who owns property rights to Topaz producing locals. A genetic model on how topaz forms within pegmatites would be a plus. Lastly, I would like to see the economics of mining topaz and who are the winners and the losers of these operations.